Psalm 118:5
In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free.
It's been 6 years since I started going to church.

The Conference I attended at church was interesting. It was put on in part by Christian Radio Station and Focus on the Family, but the group doing actual speaking and material were former Grace Community folks from back in the day. My church is headed up by pastors who were coming up at Grace in the 70's and so that's the connection as hosts of this conference. The Title is the "Love and Respect" Conference, and it mainly focuses on marriage. www.loveandrespect.org

'Matt, what were you doing at a conference like that? are you out of your mind?'
No, no, no. I figured I would learn something about...something. Even if, afterward, I would just come home and file the information under J for 'just in case'.

It was fascinating. The first day was a little rocky, had me raising my eyebrow of extrabiblicality, but, things were really straightforward the second day, and they tied all the info together in a Gospel presentation, as it were, many unbelievers were attending the conference. The Prmary verse is Ephesians 5:33, and it was actually a pretty solid exposition. As for the more applicational parts, those I cannot vouch for. And that's kind of a thing is I'm going to this conference and I have no point of reference for the validity of what's being said, since I have zero experience. I haven't even succesfully dated anyone since I was in high school. And not for lack of trying, I assure you.

But here's where I'm at right now.

On Singleness or Why I Like The Things I Like

I do not understand marriage. I just don't get it. Ever since my sophomore year in college, I have been getting more and more enthused about singleness. I remember this trend took me by surprise. In our chapels that year, we must have had atleast 4 or 5 speakers come in and talk about dating, or marriage, or relationships. In the church, all that stuff points to marriage, so that's what the speakers talked about most. And as I sat there listening to all these wonderful and fascinating things these speakers had to say about marriage, My only thought was "Gosh, that sounds just loverly, but, he's probably talking about someone else." To quote Avril Lavigne, "Sometimes I get so weird, I even freak myself out." That was not what I was expecting at all. I'm straight, I like girls, I want to get married. Well, all except for that last one.

Don't get me wrong, friends. I don't believe in some mythical gift of singleness, nor do I believe I am some sort of eunuch. I just really like my singleness. 1 Corinthians 7 is often misused to defend my position. At first glance, Paul tells us, among other things, that Single people can focus on the things of the Lord better, that if you are married, you will have trouble, and that one ought only to get married out of concession. But in the context, none of these can be stretched out to form complete doctrines. It is obvious that Paul, Jesus, and God the Father are huge fans of marriage. Especially considering the triune God invented the idea of intimacy. It's the order of creation. "Man is not meant to be alone." Atleast Adam wasn't.

I do believe that everyone must make the most of being single. We are all in that state to begin with, so their must be a point to it. singleness, like marriage, is good. It is a gift from God, bestowed on every human being, and we spend most of our singleness bitching and moaning about being lonely, or frustrated, or whatever. I think it's only healthy to come to grips with your singleness before you abandon it, and really embrace the opportunity you have before you get married.

I also want to acknowledge, that although I would say I don't want to get married. It's not the idea of 'being married' that doesn't appeal to me, but more the aspect of 'not being single'. The Bible says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing, and I believe on that, and have seen many of my friends blessed in that way. In Blue Like Jazz, Don Miller records a conversation he has with a married friend in which the man states that "Marriage is worth the trade. You lose all your freedom, but you get this friend. This incredible friend." While I appreciate the sentimentality of that statement, I must say, to me that sounds like a bad deal. I like freedom. I'm planning on going to South Africa next year. Then, I'll come back to the states, probably live backpacking for a while, and then I want to join the peace corps for 4 years, and go off to central asia somewhere. That's my vision. And I think, well why does marriage sound like a bad deal to me?

I think part of it is my mythology and metaphor. Superman is the archetype superhero. He's the man of steel, he's got every superpower, and he spends his freetime at the fortress of solitude. In Superman II, if Superman gets married, he can't be superman anymore. This goes for all the great men of fiction and myth (Conan, Batman, Indiana Jones, James Bond, etc.) My mythological landscape tells me that single people save the world, destroy great evil, and are heroes, while married people make babies. I don't believe that to the extreme, in light of God's Word, but, that's just one observation. The freedom we have in singleness is remarkable.

This brings me to a sidenote, somewhat related, and I ask myself why I like anything, at all. Why does a piece of art stand out to me. Why do I like a movie, or a book, a story that transpires, when if you strip away the glitz and the glamour, They are all the same story. It's Character. Particularly in a story, the character is often the thing I like, because it reminds me of me. Take, for example, my favorite movie of all time, Zero Effect. I feel like in a metaphorical sense, I AM Darryl Zero. I feel like when Jake Kasdan was writing the script he had torn out pages of my journal, and even talked to me so he knew how I talked and thought, and put little things in there that I resonate with. Same for my favorite books. I AM Holden Caulfield (Catcher in the Rye), and I AM Mersault (The Stranger). I feel like I have a kinship to all their qualities, good and bad. And I hate Holden Caulfield, because he is just like me when I sin. I hate Mersault, because he is a sociopath, except when it comes to hating God. I also feel deep sorrow, because that describes me.

I have also heard a great deal of stories about marriage. From my close personal friends, to those cheesy stories you read in Christian dating books, to any serious work of fiction, I have heard the marriage story. And I am NEVER that guy, metaphorically, who is the husband. I never see parallel between me, and a man who is a husband. That's not 'me'. I am controversial, and harsh, I have an edge, and I am very neglectful of others, because, I am still learning how to love. God is definitely working on me in all these areas, and I have come a long way in the past 7 years, but I wouldn't make a good husband. When people asked me why I didn't try to date more at Master's, I would tell them that "If I actually had a girlfriend, she would probably get pretty ticked with me, because I would neglect her, so it's better off this way."

When you strip away a lot of the buzzwords, and cliches, marriage is just two sinners living together. And all the areas that seem most vital to a marriage, according to Married folks, and this conference I went to, are areas I am weakest in. This doesn't depress me at all. I am not bitter at all. And I don't feel lonely. Another thing that doesn't appeal to me about marriage is the whole aspect of "settling down". I don't believe in that. I'm going to avoid doing that for as long as I can. I will settle down only long enough to earn enough money for my next ticket out of America.

A Marriage reflects Christ and the church. Do I then, in my state of relational contentment, deny the image of Christ by not participating in this reflection? Like I said, I'm not against marriage. I believe it is the best thing. So is being single. I am still being sanctified every day, and growing in major steps in relationships. If I like a girl, I will ask her out, and I am not opposed to marriage. But, conveniently, everything God's doing in my life is affirming where I am going in my current state I think that one of the reasons God gave us the church is because we are not meant to be alone.

I know it's not terribly organized, and it probably sounds...crazy, or something, but, these are thoughts that have been swimming around in my head. Let me know what you think, if you have the time to read.

Hank: "Stone walls do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage"
Remi: "Nah, now'days they use concrete, and titanium."