Luke 6:46

Why do you call me Lord, Lord, when you do not do the things I say?

Still Burn

So angry. At people. Just trying so hard not to say or do anything regrettable, or over the line. I used to get really mad at people all the time. I was just a burning ball of hate. You wouldn't know form the outside, but inside, I was just waiting to cuss out some moron, or wanting an excuse to come to blows...Instegating was my catharsis, but it never cleansed me of anything.

Why do I know and believe that but still feel like I just need to use harsher words and communicate sincere disdain for another person? I KNOW that it's no good, and you can't get love without giving it, but I am just so pissed off at an individual, and nothing seems like it would feel better than sinning against him in wrath right now. I narrowly averted a livid email from being sent from me to him that would have been very very unfortunate to send. It might have ruined our friendship. And it's over nothing of consequence. Things that I should be able to just ignore.

Why do I think that tearing down others is the way to build myself up? Or that somehow any assertion of myself is somehow valid and even necessary? Sin is so deceitful. I am so deceitful.

I'm glad the holy spirit tells me stuff, or else i would always forget how precious is God's grace, and his love for people is...

Draw me to good works, oh God, which you know already. That I might walk in true repentance and be the new man inside and out.

It's inside me

"Individuals not only live within culture, but culture is lived by individuals."
- Eugene Nida, Customs & Cultures

This is so hard to see, because your eyes are focused on the idols and figures of your culture. But culture becomes a way of thinking, and it is so ingrained in us that it is often the hardest thing to reform. It is where strongholds take the deepest roots; in our culture, our habit of being and our most unquestioned beliefs.

The hardest struggle for me is to live counter-culturally, while avoiding living anti-culturally. Especially when you begin to be more and more anti-cultural, but you realize you are staring your culture in the eye every time you look in the mirror.

And fighting my own culture always leads to apathy...which is just another sign of my enculturation. I need the wisdom to live out my culture in an acceptable way, and to walk contrary to the errors of my heart. To walk away from the sinfulness of my culture without walking away from those who live out culture just as I do.

This isn't my phrase, but to change the world, you have to change the man in the mirror. I saw a promotion for a peace protest this week in Seattle, and I thought of Don Miller's idea, and I wanted to go down there with a sign that says "I am the problem". I am a slow learner, but I pray that I am truly learning how to walk through this world, and not around.

Anthropology of Pro Wrestling: Catharsis and Connection

Ah, Professional Wrestling. Mindless entertainment. Human Nascar. Perennial sport of the South and Midwest. The Exquisite Ballet of Violence. Yes friends, even this absurdity of post modern life has a lesson that can be learned from it.

Professional Wrestling is an attraction. It's a show, a spectacle if you will. It leaves jaws dropped when Jeff Hardy jumps off of a 16-foot ladder, into a forward flip and lands back first on an opponent who is then smashed through the two upright stacked folding tables on which he was lying. It is one of the most remarkable things to watch normal men do.

Professional wrestling is maligned for it's over-the-top theatrics and the fact that it is performance-based, and not competition-based. Like any play, the ending is pre-determined. But that's okay, it's not a real sport. It's sports-entertainment; it's more like a play than a game.

The reason people are drawn to wrestling is because it is cathartic. Good and Evil (Face and Heal in wrestling Lingo) are clearly defined. In fact, one of the most respectable things a heal wrestler can do is show an ability to "draw heat", to make people boo him, hate him, despise him, but still desire to watch him perform. People love to have something they can all hate together, particularly when the object of their hate is guaranteed to be involved in a violent melee.
There is a catharsis that takes place in much of entertainment, we rejoice in seeing Justice done, in seeing evil punished. The same reason we cheer when William Wallace beats back the English in Braveheart is the reason wrestling fans cheer when John Cena slams a hated rival to the ground.

People come not only to hate the same things, but to try to love something in community as well. There is something that we participate in when we are in a mirthful community. And the crowd that comes to a wrestling show rejoices greatly in their heroes. There is a connection that we long to experience, and people attempt to find it in the Face (good) wrestler. He says things that we can value, and he fights the people we don't like, and when it seems that all hope is lost and he's about to lose the match, it's our energy, our chanting, our "spirit", that unites us with him as he "rises again" after it seems he has been defeated.

Maybe it's not that deep, and maybe it's just a bunch of low-class pseudo-violence. I'm certainly not suggesting there's anything spiritual about pro wrestling. But at it's very essence, people go to it because it offers something they truly want. Something which, though we might not find the format at all appealing, is nonetheless something you and I want. Triumph and Tragedy, Catharsis and Connection. And above all, the one thing people want most in life is a foundation of pro wrestling. The characters may be facades, the ending may be scripted. But there is a definite certainty about how it will all end; a hope, if you will, which does not disappoint.

(Just for reference, I was a big wrestling fan in my youth, even into high school, but, I'm not a wrestling fan anymore. I advise discernment for any one who is: while it can be quite entertaining, it is more lurid today compared to the days when I watched it.)

I like quotations

"My memories are like coins in the devil's purse. You open it and find only dead leaves."
- Jean-Paul Sartre

Deepwater

Cool is about the shallowest thing a person can devote themselves to. I am one of the shallowest people I know...

Regionless

On tuesday, a guy who'd never been to New Orleans tried to tell me how it ought to be pronounced. I told him he was just saying it the way yankees say it.

It's weird being set on a place...I don't really have any vacation time, so I'm localized to Washington and the Seattle Metropolitan Area...I feel totally out of place...I want to be nomadic...a drifter...to wander the earth.

I don't even know why...just everytime I hear about anywhere, Colorado, Belize, Canada, New Zealand, Israel, Mongolia, Iceland, New Orleans, Southern California... (All of which I've discussed in the last week)

All I can hear is the voice inside saying "I've got to go...I have GOT to go!"

It's weird...because in africa I had an almost identical commitment, but going...was part of it...that was a fulfillment of going was being there, and not here, plus taking 5 weeks to travel around southern Africa.

It's SO hard to be a traveler in your own land...It's so easy to be comfortable in the place you became you...

well, g2g

Trust

Sometimes I wonder if I should be more paranoid about believing what other people say. I feel like the hardest thing in the world to find is someone that will be deliberately honest. We throw half-truths and white lies and pseudo-compliments and emotional barriers, and who knows what else up as a smoke screen for how we really feel.

To quote one of my favorite poets, "When a man lies, he murders some part of the world. These are the pale deaths which men miscall their lives..."

Especially in relationships...I found a brutally honest person once...I treasure every word she says to me...

Things are out of control

Seriously. The NFL is doing an amazing job of pointing out it's own flaws, and addressing them. I wish the other leagues were prepared to be as strict and as resourceful.

The public, on the other hand, doesn't seem to care about the right things.
Being a dog owner (with my parents) of course I reproach what Michael Vick is accused of doing, and is clearly involved in on some level. But PITA, and other organizations seem to want him to die. They are absolutely convinced that Michael Vick is "evil", based on what he did to a dog. And it's ALL about the publicity for them. Yes, they're idealistic, but, organizations like PITA wouldn't exist without public exposure and PR. So the sensational protests because of dogfighting are a little obnoxious.

The problem is the two p's: Perspective and Priority.

Pacman Jones, I realize is only "associated with" or "related" to his particular infractions that have led to his year suspension from the NFL, but, it's much much worse than killing any animal on earth. Jones almost killed a human. He had a member of his entourage open fire on a strip club, paralyzing one, injuring another and had the chance of killing 5 people.

Where are the anti-Pacman protests?

Where are the people who care about human life?

In the news, Pacman Jones just can't play football. He'll probably go back to where he played college ball, work out, finish his degree, enjoy his year off from football. He almost killed a man. He WANTED to kill a man. He wanted to kill several people, and tried very deliberately to do so.

Michael Vick on the other hand is going to jail for a while, and will endure many trials and horrors there. He'll come out a different person than he went in, and he'll probably never play in the NFL again, Because he may or may not have killed dogs.

I can't fault either man, because that would make me their judge, and neither is conclusively guilty according to our courts; objectively, the things they are accused of, are not even comparable, and Jones' alleged crimes are far far worse. Seriously, what world would put the life of a dog over the life of a man?

oh yeah; this one.

All I can do as I think about this is turn to God and pray, for the world, for the people I know that don't see any inconsistency in this situation. How far we are frmo God's perspective.

I can see clearly now

When you watch movies a lot, stuntmen stop blending in...if you know what to look for.

Journey

kayak.com is my dream escape.

just go to the web page, click multiple cities, and then plug in wherever you want to go...I've found 2 or 3 6-city stop tickets for less than $2000 each.

I know, what a horrible way to steward, and all that, but, I dream of dropping everything and leaving this place behind...jsut to wander the world, end up in places you've never heard of...I'm an epic romantic at heart.

Which is difficult to be in this time in history.

Everything is instant gratification in this culture, but I know if I just dropped all my commitments and flew to south america...that would be unwise.

Still, it's so tempting, just to journey into the unknown...I am purposely not watching the movie "Into the Wild" because I think it would romanticize my dreams even more.

But, my top destinations are (in no particular order) Iceland, Chile, Ireland, India, New Zealand, and the rest of the U.S. It's hard to be a traveler in your own land.

Wow

Technology is amazing. Not only can I get gmail and facebook on my cell phone, but right now I'm using a computer to talk to one person in Malawi, and another person in Zambia. Yeah, it's unreal...I miss africa.

I have thought about it everyday since I've been back in some shape or another. It seems so close, and so far away all at once.

I miss the faces, and the smells. I miss the freedom, and the sense of journey.

I am going to sleep, but, I hope I dream of africa, even though I won't remember it.

If anyone is reading this, keep an eye out for some poetry coming soon....

'Who am I?'?...more like 'What am I?'

I'm a ______. I've been searching all my life for a label that fit, actually. When I was in college I remember sitting in a hut on a moshav in Israel talking to a dear friend of mine, who is also the worst correspondent ever, and telling her that I was still trying to "find myself".

About 11 months later I realized what a crock that was. I can't really find something that is me...it's like looking all around the room trying to locate my eyeballs. When I was 16 I was so overwhelmed with hatred and self-loathing, anger and pity, that I turned to God, who I hated the very idea of. I knew that if I kept on living the way I was, I would not make it. And I felt drawn to what I saw in the lives of others, the life that is only possible through knowing Jesus. I wanted that life, that purpose, that forgiveness, and that grace, so, so much.

While my life changed dramatically, I realize every morning and every evening that I still have a LONG way to go. 2 years later I set off to college eager to find my "place", and my "title". Matt O'Brien, accountant; or Matt O'Brien, missionary. I like the sound of that. Dr. Matt O'Brien, missionary PhD. The Reverend O'Brien. Esquire.

The problem with all that, isn't the actual titles, or the positions they denote. The problem is I was still looking for my identity from how I fit into an earthly understanding of existence. I wanted to define myself by where I spent my day, or what I did to earn money. There's no identity in a title. My identity, who I am, is in Christ alone.

Cheesy sounding? Maybe, but the reality is when they nailed Christ's hands into the wood, and watched the life drain out of him, my sense of self; me, Matt O'Brien, died with him. My life isn't mine to label and define. The life I'm living now, is His. All of it. The time I take to write this is his, as well as the time I took to make the sandwich I just ate. He took my place up there because he wanted me somewhere else, here and now, doing whatever it is He has for me to do.

While particular tasks or a sense of calling may elude me, knowing Jesus personally has given me plenty of things I ought to be doing, and some of them I'm working on.

And that's who I am...Matt O'Brien, missionary, scholar, preacher, spiritual guy, chaplin, church builder? well all the titles I've had or might have are neat, but don't help to explain who I am...Matt O'Brien, Christian...that sounds a whole lot more accurate...And we lost what that means.

People hear me say I'm a Christian and they think I am the web designer for godhatesfags.com, Or that I voted for President Bush, and really meant it. Or that I am one of the few people in the world that would have the audacity to think that I am right, and someone else might be wrong about something that can never be empirically proven true or false.

What a lot of my friends have done is stopped using that word. But when a word is used for such a long time (1900+ years) and then it becomes unpopular really fast, almost everyone forgets what it means.

Christian is an english transliteration of a similar greek word. It's structure connotes a partner, or partisan of Christ. It was coined by unbelievers in Antioch, and they being the witty devils that they were, were actually making a parody of a similar word, which would be translated "followers of Caeser". The thing about that word is it was used to identify any Roman citizen, whether they were actually greek, turkish, palestinian, moroccan, spanish, or celt. They were a "Caeserite". They "Belonged" to Caeser.

That's the commentary the Syrians in Antioch were making about the Christians. While Romans belonged to Caeser, Christians belonged to Christ. They were Christ's possession.

I don't think they were mocking them, either. It may in fact be an observation of their dedication to their Saviour.

And they weren't that far off, either. Paul, who was serving in Antioch for a long time, picks up the same idea in 1 Corinthians 7.

"22 If a man was a slave when the Lord called him, he is the Lord’s free man. So also if a man was free when he was called, he is Christ’s slave. 23 You were bought for a price; Do not become slaves of men! 24 So, Christian brothers, everyone should go on living as he was when God called him. But now he lives with God."

Here, the Corinthians have been struggling with their own identity on the level of social class. But Paul reminds them of what God did to make them His own. They ought to bear God's brand marks. Don't give in to the customs and manners of men, don't enslave yourself to their system. You don't have to reject your culture, but realize that who you are is no longer defined by that culture, or status. Because now you live with God. He defines you. Your relationship to him defines you, because He made you His.

So call yourself whatever you want...I should probably communicate better, as well. Christ-follower, Jesus Follower, In love with Christ, Jesus Worshiper. But don't forget that whatever you call yourself as a believer, you ARE a Christian.

Here I am to save the day...

Things...

...are crazy.

Well, things have been kind of strange since I've been back which has almost been 3 weeks. I still haven't found a job, but mostly for lack of trying. I did apply to seminary at Northwest Baptist (www.nbs.edu) for the spring quarter, so that's exciting, I should hear back from them soon, and register, I found a place to stay in Tacoma (about 45 minutes from my house) for the quarter, so I won't have to commute, and I have almost secured a temporary vehicle...now I just need a job...sort of going in reverse order here.

So I was all set to start jobhunting, and then I watched the superbowl, and then I got sick...so, I'm a slowstarter.

Most of all, I miss africa. SO MUCH. I can't even describe it...I think I would be really depressed right now if I wasn't born again...everything I could probably want was over there...I almost feel like it's everywhere, but here.

I am awaiting more information, but there's a possibility I'll be going to India in September or so...yes!

Okay, not sure who's reading this, but enjoy!

BTW:

I started throwing videos I've made onto youtube.com

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=mattyobrien1

eventually (ie once I've made them), the videos about my time in africa will appear there, so check out my "channel" and "subscribe". Or whatever.

Last post from Africa

Hey Y'all, this has been an interesting week. Spending my last few days hanging out with the kids at Lambano, and making sure everything is ready for work, or atleast on order for the worksite.

We've had an amazing and glorious electrical storm every night for the past week. The downer is that lightning struck the church office, and fried the computer, the printer, and the internet connection. I'm trying to get it working again. In the meantime, I'm at an internet cafe.

I have far too many thoughts about my time here as it closes, but hopefully over the next month, once I'm home, I'll be able to share some things I've learned from a year in Africa.

And I have about 2000 pictures I'll search and post the best of.

In Any case, I fly home in 2 days, Thursday, January 18th, and I'll be in Seattle on the afternoon of the 19th, Lord Willing. So, for those of you in the Seattle Area, you'll probably see me, if not at church, then somewhere...probably Half-Price Books.

This will still be my blog as I embark on the next chapter of life (hopefully going to seminary) so, feel free to tune in, and read my ramblings.

 

I'm gonna miss this place a ton...but I think I'm ready to go back to America. For a little while, atleast.

  Hey y'all, things here are going swimmingly.

Lambano is getting over the chicken pox, and they've got some new girls working there, financially they're doing better, and they got a new Combi (VW Van) a while back, so that's great.

The Church is officially done (Pictures coming next week) And we've started construction on the AIDS Hospice. This is very exciting. I also realized that since I'm always behind the camera, I don't have any pictures of me actually working...but seriously, I actually do stuff. I labor on the site, and get to lay bricks, organize and fetch materials, and do a fair job of "managing" the worksite, basically trying to get everything we need for success. It's very challenging, with no background in construction. But I've caught on a lot in the last year, and things are going really smoothly. It's also a huge blessing to team up with Conrad.

I had my final holiday adventure a couple weeks ago: I went to Lesotho, and backpacked for a few days, and then hosteled in a couple places and just went wandering around a few different places. It was a little scary at times, I got lost a bit, and just felt more vulnerable than normal with everything I needed to survive strapped to my back, and encountering strange shepherds who didn't speak english but carried large hickory sticks. But I love hiking, and this is the best place I've done it, so far.

Majestik Maletsunyane Falls.

Here's me repelling over the falls (205 M/670 Ft)

It looks like I'm having fun. It was gorgeous.

This is Lesotho, a country entirely surrounded by South Africa. It's known as the Kingdom in the Sky, or the Friendly Mountain Kingdom. Imagine a land made out of mountains, but with 1) No marked trails 2) No Conservation Areas 3) No Fences
It's so wonderfully free, you can just wander through valleys, over mountains, through farms and villages.


I was backpacking for 4 days, and every turn revealed another beautiful landscape.

It's rugged and amazing.
One of the most beautiful countries on earth, and a hiker or rock climbers dream.

Oh look, God will never flood the earth again.


Geared up and ready to wander.
I couldn't find anyone to travel with, so when your alone, you don't get the best pictures of yourself



The Sebayeng. Simply Stunning.

And that's about it. I'm homeward bound in 13 days...crazy. Thanks again for your prayers, and I'll see some of you soon, others...who knows. I pray God blesses this new year. And Stay Tuned, cause I'm not done yet: More to come.