Friday, November 09, 2007
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Still Burn
So angry. At people. Just trying so hard not to say or do anything regrettable, or over the line. I used to get really mad at people all the time. I was just a burning ball of hate. You wouldn't know form the outside, but inside, I was just waiting to cuss out some moron, or wanting an excuse to come to blows...Instegating was my catharsis, but it never cleansed me of anything.
Why do I know and believe that but still feel like I just need to use harsher words and communicate sincere disdain for another person? I KNOW that it's no good, and you can't get love without giving it, but I am just so pissed off at an individual, and nothing seems like it would feel better than sinning against him in wrath right now. I narrowly averted a livid email from being sent from me to him that would have been very very unfortunate to send. It might have ruined our friendship. And it's over nothing of consequence. Things that I should be able to just ignore.
Why do I think that tearing down others is the way to build myself up? Or that somehow any assertion of myself is somehow valid and even necessary? Sin is so deceitful. I am so deceitful.
I'm glad the holy spirit tells me stuff, or else i would always forget how precious is God's grace, and his love for people is...
Draw me to good works, oh God, which you know already. That I might walk in true repentance and be the new man inside and out.
Why do I know and believe that but still feel like I just need to use harsher words and communicate sincere disdain for another person? I KNOW that it's no good, and you can't get love without giving it, but I am just so pissed off at an individual, and nothing seems like it would feel better than sinning against him in wrath right now. I narrowly averted a livid email from being sent from me to him that would have been very very unfortunate to send. It might have ruined our friendship. And it's over nothing of consequence. Things that I should be able to just ignore.
Why do I think that tearing down others is the way to build myself up? Or that somehow any assertion of myself is somehow valid and even necessary? Sin is so deceitful. I am so deceitful.
I'm glad the holy spirit tells me stuff, or else i would always forget how precious is God's grace, and his love for people is...
Draw me to good works, oh God, which you know already. That I might walk in true repentance and be the new man inside and out.
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