But we all do it. Even the most process-oriented, thoughtful and patient individuals are at their very center, impulsive creatures. As clever as I have always thought I was, and as thoughtful as I try to be, and as great as I am at planning something I really care about, I generally do what I feel like doing, to my own detriment. Particularly when it comes to relationships.
"The creative impulses of man are always at war with the possessive impulses." - Van Wyck Brooks. This is a great summary of my life of chasing after girls. I think that's why I turn into an even bigger idiot when I like a girl, because I just get overwhelmed by my possessive urges and want so badly to be the center of someone else's attention.
So this is what I am working on. I think the creative impulses are geared towards doing what is right. Doing something nice for someone else requires this creative impulse. This is yet another area of life where we are called to take every thought captive. To identify the source of our whims and to conduct that which is worthwhile under the control of the Holy Spirit. It's not easy, because these impulses are as close to second-nature as it gets, as fluid as our cultural origins and responses.
In the Matrix, Mouse very pointedly remarks that "To deny our impulses is to deny the very thing which makes us human." And he makes a very excellent point, that we ARE our impulses. You ARE your decisions. But I am not my own, I am not me, anymore. Galatians 2:20 summarizes what happened to me. Now this jumbled bag of impulses and fears is God's, and so...it's all got to be changed. Hopefully this will help me in future endeavours. Distant future...
