Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Basketball

Basketball. I realized a while ago that basketball is not my sport. Probably why for a brief period of my life I was obsessed with the video game NBA 2K. I dominate in digital. But in real life I am bad. Bad at basketball.

When I was in fourth grade, I was picked last for basketball numerous times and cried numerous times because of it. When I was in fifth grade I played my first and only season of organized basketball. Our team came in dead last, and I scored four total points in the entire season. I played a lot of intermural sports in college, but I never played basketball, and on one occasion I went to open gym event where everybody was playing basketball and I was too shy and too ashamed to even try to play an organized game I just shot around by myself.

If those three instances don't give you a clear enough picture, then you can just use your imagination about the things I'm not telling you regarding how bad I am at basketball.

And so, for me, basketball represents the ideal of sports and represents and reveals some of the ways that I am ashamed of myself or feel that I am a failure. The ways that I refuse to accept myself. Basketball reminds me that it is being in a hard position and feeling judged and like a failure that I am all alone. It is powerful in the way that I've been conditioned and the way that I have framed my life and myself through this experience. And it is a good reminder that I can be comfortable with who I am and accept myself, despite that I have obvious and apparent inability and flaws. 

Just a snippet, really, not a fully formed thought