We Now Return

Letter to God

2012-02-12T06:17:00.000-08:00

Dear God,

I am messed up. Life is this awful mess, just a 7-layer dip of emotions and sinfulness, and somewhere in it you have plunged, like the Dorito chip of life, like a divine instrument of deliverance, to fetch my perishing ass. I love chaos too much. Genesis 1:2 is me, a pandemonium of cyanide cocktails and death-dealing blows to the head, a senseless rubrich of all that is wrong.

And Yet, Christ is for me. I know that, like an undeniable fact, but not a mere fact. It is a riot of positive energy overtaking my like the fog. There is nowhere to run from your awesome love and goodness when I commune with you, when I surrender and come in, it's as though I've known an old friend from before the war. Like a grandma in a cookie kitchen, you welcome me in, take care of m

e, put me at ease, and comfort my broken heart. You restore me to a good conscience, and break the bonds that hold me fast. Your love opens all doors, restores all walls, builds all foundations anew, desires all good, and magnifies all that is glorious and honorable. You are the only Blessing and in you are all blessings.

God give me strength that I cannot claim as my own, clarity like light, and a heart that won't give up. You love me so much, allow me to hurt with love for others, and alert my conciousness to your sublime presence in all things.

Writing

2012-02-03T06:54:00.000-08:00

ANNOUNCEMENT:

I am hoping to get back into the spirit of blogging by posting a lot more, my hopefully faithful handful of readers.

Probably at the expense of quality.

That is all.

Jesus and Religion

2012-02-02T06:58:00.000-08:00

So this video is blowing up on youtube, and while many commentators have pointed out some of its more obvious flaws, I thought I'd just post about it.

Apart from one of the worst quotables "I'm not judgin', I'm just sayin', 'Quit putting on a fake look!' That's called judging, friend.

So, obviously the problem is that he doesn't really clearly define religion. Because religion could be defined in a lot of different ways. Most everyone does something religiously, be it watch sports, drink coffee, go to church, whatever. The question to me isn't are you religions, but are you religious about what you say you believe in? He also talks about Christ's obediene, the object of which is true religion, and that is defined in James 1:26-27, Micah 6:8, and a variety of other scriptures.

In a way it's almost like he's saying he hate religion, because religion is religious about the wrong things, and you should be religious about Jesus. But then he says being religious about Jesus means being religious about doing works and abstaining from behaviors. So, maybe that's just what I'm hearing but, it sounds horribly confusing with the language he uses.

Also, I think this guy resonates with a lot of millenials who have horrible experiences with institutions, politics and cultures, but not with what James calls true religion, which addresses all the issues this guy raises.

That's all. Oh, one of the critique videos by TheAmazingAtheist had a hilarious bit in it about how what this guy was saying made no sense, and was as much hype as any commercial on TV. When you replace "Jesus" with "Coke", and "Religion" with "Soda" in parts of his discourse, you really see what he means.

Just some thoughts, trying to get back into the blog swing.

DADT

2012-01-31T04:38:00.000-08:00

The repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell last year had many people up in arms, but, I'm still not entirely sure why. It's been a non-issue. But I'm sure there are thousands of micro-issues that have been dealt with. I imagine there are a lot of words out there on this subject, but as a Chaplain I think how we treat others is a matter of integrity, and discriminating against others because of a sinful lifestyle doesn't make any sense. If you tried to kick out every Soldier that had a flaw or a past, you wouldn't have many soldiers to choose from. There are a variety of Soldier lifestyles that I disagree with, but I still affirm each and everyone that puts on the uniform as a Soldier. I believe all Americans who are willing and able to serve have the right and honor to do so, and there are a variety of poor choices that Soldiers make that do not affect their ability to fulfill their duties and responsibilities. That is their freedom and right. The same rights that allows us to worship in whatever way we choose.

I was reminded of this issue because of another story in this video. It will probably get mixed reviews.

I'm not writing to say this or that about homosexuals, but I found myself surprised to agree with the commentators (not that I would ever agree with Santorum or the Pope). But the point that I loved was that what we need is people who are intentional about child-rearing. Anyone that is willing to sacrifice and love a child and raise them as a valuable member of society, that person should be allowed to adopt. Their orientation, or personal likes don't enter into it in my mind, cause we're all sinful.

I am share the sentiments of Keanu Reeves in Parenthood when comments on how people are required to get licenses for handguns, dog ownership, fishing & hunting, but somehow, anyone can make a baby. SMH.

Tebow & Me

2011-10-25T01:14:00.001-07:00

I was watching the highlights of the Bronco's game yesterday, and thinking about Tim Tebow. I've had a couple discussions recently about the similarities between America and Rome, and the nature of the mob. The public loves to create and establish heroes, and the latest trend has really been to create heroes and then to destroy them, and see them laid to waste. Guys like Tiger Woods. The media wants to do everything they can to put strong good-looking americans on the front of Wheaties boxes. Then TMZ wants to tell everyone that it's actually not Wheaties, but a cocktail of steroids, heroin, and horse tranquilizer.

Then there's Tim Tebow. As an outspoken evangelical devoid the Michelle Bachmann whack-job theology, or an Osteen-esque prosperity matrix, I like Tim Tebow. As one of the greatest college quarterback careers of all time, I like him even better. I'm non-plussed by his pro career so far, but his tenacity mixed with the right circumstances and style of offense, certainly yields some headline making results.

I follow Skip Bayless on twitter, a Tebow Supporter and ESPN pundit, and he's always quick to point out that Tebow has what it takes to be a pro quarterback, given the right circumstances, personnel and strategy around him. I agree with that. He's also quick to point out the polarizing power of Tebow, and the hordes of anti-Tebow sentiment, often with incredulity.

But I think I get it, I think he was America as a college quarterback, with a squeaky clean image, and people want him to be a bust, they want him to be Ryan Leaf. Ryan Leaf might be worthless under center, but he's infamous. Every draft day they show that clip of him yelling like a 5-year-old at a locker room journalist. Celebrity tabloid world is just human nascar, waiting to erupt.

I'm not really going where you think I might be, but I do hope Tebow illustrates overcoming, and redemption, I hope he stays the course, and stays humble, and is always willing to admit his wrongs and his mistakes, and for all the right reasons too. I think his interviews betray an indomitable will based on his belief system, that anything is possible, but you have to get in there and keep trying, doing, reacting.

I believe that God, as much as he cares about our past and the things we've done, cares way more about the choices in front of us. Something i have learned from the bible is that GOd accounts for our wrongdoing, our mistakes, but his willingness to redeem comes with an opportunity to make a better choice the next time. The mystery of God's sovereignty is that it is all about his glory through our choices.

But, on a much lighter note, tonight, as I was thinking about one of my favorite subjects, romantic relationships, I made a connection to the world's perception of Tebow. This is totally non-linear. But, I am like Tim Tebow vs. the Dolphins when it comes to relationships. No matter how many false starts and fumbles, incompletions, and misperceptions of the defense I have made, my commitment is to getting better, taking it one day at a time, and hopefully having a really spectacular 4th quarter. It holds true one step forward in that, I don't look or act like someone that is the prototype for the position I want to play. I might not have the ideal skillset, or be able to contribute in a flashy way. There are always people willing to dismiss me, but I also have a number of fans that encourage me along the way, and hope that I will succeed. Like Tebow's fans, they are powerless to help me, and I'll only ever have success if I forget the emotional toll that the first 3 quarters have taken, and get back out there ready to play.

In the words of Hank Williams, Jr. "Are you ready for some football?"

Updates

2011-10-17T14:08:00.000-07:00

No updates in two months, so I must be dead, right? Or something...

I just completed a move to New Orleans, which is sort of hanging in the balance cause I'm also navigating the paperwork jungle of the army, and actually going away for some training soon. I have about 50 blog posts with just titles, or titles and a single paragraph, some of which I don't even remember what I was going to write, and others I just want to actually be good.

But blogging is clearly not my priority, or a means of processing for me.

But soon, I will write things of worth, hopefully. And maybe even more often.

Artist ABC's

2011-08-16T22:01:00.000-07:00

My favorite musical artists (That I actually possess in my itunes) by alphabetical alignment (some of these might surprise you)

A - Angel's & Airwaves

B - Barcelona

C - Christina Perri

D - Death Cab for Cutie

E - Explosions in the Sky

F - Foo Fighters

G - Green Day

H - Hans Zimmer

I - Iron & Wine

J - Johnny Cash

K - Kid Rock

L - Lauryn hill

M - Metallica

N - Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds

O - Oasis

P - Paramore

Q - Queen

R - Royal Crown Review

S - Smashing Pumpkins

T - Taylor Swift

U - U2

V - Viktor Mastoridis

W - The White Stripes

X - X-ecutioners

Y - Yellowcard

Z - ZZ Top

I am obviously from the 90's

Essential Functions

2011-08-13T16:47:00.000-07:00

I'm gearing up for another Sunday and looking forward to a concert style event in which I am an audience member, and really just a consumer, so I thought about what I think are the essential functions of a church service, since I was actually privileged to perform such services in the military setting in July. That was great, but actually being in charge forced me to ask what was essential, and the reality is, it comes down to resources. The fact is there are sermons and music available to people all the time, so those aren't the vitality of the sunday event. But when people are starved for those things, it's important to bring the word, and to allow people to celebrate in song. It's also vital to get out of the lecture hall and into a dialogue. Service needs to be two ways. Time in prayer/fellowship is important. Also communion, and recognizing that the cup is really what it's all about. I'm no Catholic, but I do think that renewing communion with Christ is the central function of a gathering of believers. Ultimately what we want is a renewed and restored faith. Service's must be practical. Most of this doesn't come through to me at my sunday event, sadly, but I am willing to believe that it is dependent on my effort, and that I am not meant to be a consumer.

eHarm, superlatives, and finding out how to tell someone you care about them

2011-06-05T08:57:00.000-07:00

I feel like I write "against" things a lot. Doesn't really matter since I have so few readers, but I hope I can generate enough interest to offend someone. But I'm not even trying to correct people when I write, it's just thoughts and attitudes that I hear in culture strike me, and boom. Blogging is born. So here we go.

So I'm dating a girl now, which might be news to two of the people that read this, it's been a fun journey the last two years since I've been actively dating, and I finally found a fun, sweet, beautiful girl that has the misfortune of liking me back, so, boom, dating. I met her through a website called "eharmony" which was an all together interesting experience. In total I think I met 20+ women from the sight and I went on a real actual date with about a dozen. I rejected or was rejected by over 1000. I want to make concessions about how some girls were really great, and the circumstances just didn't work out, but, that's more because I want to see myself as the hero. If I felt a connection with someone and didn't pursue them, then that was my decision, so it still counts, even though it wasn't an "outright" rejection.

Obviously this is kind of a "fake" way of doing things in the sense, that, if some of those women had met me in person instead of seeing my online profile, (which according to one girl who met me anyway was "not very good.") or if I had met them in person, "organicly", we would not reject each other instantly and never speak to one another. And there's probably no way based on my lifestyle that I could possibly meet or even see that many women without the assistance of a dating sight. I've never even gone to a bar to meet women. This is a flexible reality, a wormhole through which I am seeking to find a mate. And so you learn to make snap decisions based on extremely limited information, and you judge by a few pictures whether you're attracted to them.

What bothered me a LOT about the process was that the site is designed to put people into competition with one another. You can even tell by the frequency of contact, whether another person is pursuing more than one potential mate. I'm not sure if this is as much a problem for girls, but it's definitely something guys do all the time. I took a vow (I know, a "vow", it just got REAL) to not compare women to one another in my online endeavors, or really in my life. Even when I was meeting multiple girls in a weekend, I was just going to treat each person as a unique experience.

Competition and comparison are so ingrained in us as a culture, that this probably sounds weird. I wasn't going to reject one girl because she "wasn't as pretty" as another, or "I didn't have as much fun as with someone else." I think this is the root of totally objectifying women, and is not a healthy way to choose a mate. The reason I realize this now is because through my twitter and facebook account there flows a constant stream of comparative and superlative language that defines our relationships. Which in a way, is kind of insulting, because you're unconciously saying that your connection with a person is worthwhile because it's stronger than your connection with someone else. Which to me, is meaningless. I'm kind of an idealist, and kind of a pragmatist, and yes, I have arguments with myself. I'm dating the girl I'm dating now because I think she is beautiful, smart, kind, funny, and really I could go on for a while. But it literally has nothing to do with anything anyone else does or is. I like her for her. It has taken time and conscious effort to feel that way about anyone. I also think this comparative way of rating people is the reason cheating is so common.

Maybe I'm totally off, maybe when everyone uses comparative language, it's just idiomatic. One of my longstanding family jokes is every time my mom does something wonderful, even the smallest things, I tell her she's "the best." As if I could compare my mom to anyone as a mom. It has nothing to do with her being better than any one else. It's because she's MY mom. Saying "you're the best" is a joke because being the best is nowhere near good enough to describe how I feel about my mom. Superlative language is limited to the field of comparison. (Using comparative language to analyze how we rate things is ironic, so two points to you if you were able to catch me in that little self-referential snare).

I have had some weird dating experiences, and I have been (foolishly) in love with other girls. The other day I was talking to a friend who was mourning a failed attempt at love, but in the phase where he might start dating again, and we were discussing potential love interests. He told me that he thought that a couple girls were nice, but he didn't feel towards them the way he felt towards his former girlfriend. I submit that you never will feel that way again. That was a unique experience, tailored to you two as unique individuals. You'll never feel exactly the same way about two girls in your life. That's not the point of those relationships. I'll never feel about Elise how I felt towards any other girl. It's not better or worse. It's just different. And being with Elise is a wonderful, wonderful experience.

I'm not sure if this captures my thoughts exactly, typing it out before church while I'm sick and operating on 4 hours sleep. But I'll post it all the same.

2011-05-20T09:15:00.000-07:00

An example of prophecy.

Bad Religion - 21st Century Digital Boy

Release date: September 6, 1994

Release date: March 1, 2011

StowyTime - a tale told through instant messenger to me by my girlfriend. We're silly.

2011-03-02T10:21:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time there was a princess. She lived in a cottage with her mom, dad, and brother. the cottage was quaint and just perfect. on warm summer nights they would walk by the babbling brook in their backyard and play in the water. She had a best friend named penelope and they did everything together, including roller skating which was the princess's favorite thing to do in the past. So princess eloise and penelope would rollerblade all over the town. one day they were roller skating by the old church. the old church is just as you would imagine it. Vines covering the whole thing tree branches bending like a cathedral as you walk through them. very picturesque. So as they are roller skating penelope says to eloise. shouldn't we take our skates off and walk? with the ground so uneasy with pinecones rocks and vermin running around everywhere taking the skates off would be a wise choice. But princess eloise had a mind of her own. she was confident! and sure that she could walk through the forest with her skates on. so she did. Penelope and eloise were frolicking through the forest when they came upon a large rolling hill. The girls stared at the hill and wondered, "skates or no skates?" Penelope was worried so she took her skates off and went down the hill but eloise faced the hill ready to pwn it. BUT the hill pwn'd her. Eloise wasn't watching where she was skating and rolled her ankle on a small silly pinecone. As she caught her fall she was overwhelmed with a throbbing in her wrist and was unable to move it. eloise and penelope rushed back to the cottage to tell her mother and father. they told her to sleep it off. you'll be okay. eloise was shocked! why didn't they listen to her? she knew it was broken but they think it was just sprained. eloise didn't sleep that night everytime she moved she was awakened by sharp shooting pains in her wrist. something needed to be done... she goes to her mother and says it still hurts. her mother examines it and as she does eloise begins to feel the blood rush from her face. the room was spinning and she could hardly stand up. before she knew it, eloise was throwing up because of the excruciating pain.her mother is guilt-ridden for forcing her daughter to endure such horrific pain and immediately takes her to the doctor where he puts a super cool tye-dye cast on her wrist.

THE END

The Three Doors

2011-02-13T06:20:00.000-08:00

Recently at Church I heard the gospel presented to the unchurched (how many people are really coming to a church on sunday morning that need to hear the gospel for the first time? It's always worth it, but I still wonder)

And the key verse for the gospel presentation was Revelation 3:20.

Is this really the gospel? I completely affirm this as communion with Christ, but I'm not sure that this communicates anything about the gospel standing alone. This sounds suspiciously like the "pray a prayer and ask Jesus into your heart" motif of the Southern Baptist movement, and I may not see eye to eye on everything with him, but Rev. Paul Washer does a pretty good job of debunking this as the gospel, if you haven't already heard that. Pretty crazy sermon.

Personally, I like studying the bible as literature, I'm no liberal (in the literary critical sense; I don't really have a side in politics) but I think it's an important school of thought. And in the Bible this 'door' motif actually comes up a few times.

In revelation, the surrounding verses seem to talk mainly to people who are already saved, or at least in churches, and Specifically, who are struggling with worldliness. v. 19 and 21 seem to point to renewing faith, and the perseverance and good works of the saints. Opening the door is the Gospel in deeds, not in word.

Jesus has mentioned the door in the sermon on the mount, but in that instance, he talks about seeking relationship with God, and calls others to "knock, and the door shall be opened to you". So there is a reversal, where we must seek God's kingdom. This is the gospel in Word, seeking the true Word of Truth, the one true God.

The door comes up a third time in the gospel of John, where instead of anyone knocking, Jesus declares "I AM the door" and only through him may anyone be saved. This is the gospel in power, the safe passage of the undeserving into paradise. It is our spiritual protection and the initiation of trust. (The hebrew word for believe is the same word for trust) The only way to the Father is through Jesus Christ. This is particularly noteworthy 6 chapters later when Jesus literally stands between his disciples and a cohort of roman soldiers in the garden of Gethsemane.

I love my church (this was the same sunday I became a member), and I don't mean to be overly critical, but, I want to look at the Bible and at life holistically, and I'm not sure that "opening the door and letting Jesus in" really communicates salvation by grace through faith resulting in a redeemed life. It definitely grabs onto the relationship aspect, but out of context, I just wonder what kind of impact the literal word actually has. The Gospel travels in Word, Deed, & Power. I myself am humbled by this, and need to be refreshed in it constantly.

Stay Gold

2011-02-11T06:28:00.000-08:00

Well, it's oscar time, I have to comment at length.

Best Picture: Black Swan

I'm already a huge Arinofsky fan (The Fountain is one of the most aesthetically exquisite movies ever) and I really hope we go with the controversial pick. This movie had me jumping, and if you know me at all, you know I don't jump in movies.

Best Actor: James Franco

Franco is captivating in 127 Hours, I have extremely high expectations of Danny Boyle movies, and Franco really outdid them in his own self-contained performance. However, I think the Academy will pick Javier Bardem, since he's not even in an american picture and he's nominated for the award, and really, they've wanted to reward him ever since The Sea Inside. Beware the retroactive oscar.

Best Actress: Natalie Portman

I'm not sure if she'll win this round because of the older gals she's competing with, but she surely will win someday, and she totally undid her image in Black Swan. By the end of the movie, I could only see Nina.

Best Supporting Actor: Christian Bale

Wow. I was blown away by his performance. He makes everyone in the movie better.

Best Supporting Actress: Haley Steinfeld

How is she not up for best actress? Loved this movie, and she works it.

Best Animated Feature: Toy Story 3

If it's up for best picture, does it even need to be a question? I didn't see any of the other nominees. Also, why wasn't Tangled nominated?

Best Art Direction: Alice in Wonderland

Not much for story, but the aesthetic of this movie was dizzyingly good.

Best Cinematography: Inception

I loved the framing and shot selection of this movie. Without using digital film alteration, they made such clear distinctions between dream and reality. Not sure why people had so much trouble following it.

Costume: Alice in Wonderland

Again, the way everything that's real works together in this movie is fantastic, but the story and acting and other things really diminished a flawless aesthetic.

Best Director: Darin Arinofsky

This is THE Arinofsky picture. He has shown his mastery with lesser actors and stories, and this is the story and picture that bring it all together for him to shine as the story teller.

Best Editing: 127 Hours

This leaps off the screen from the very outset

Best Makeup: The Wolfman

I kinda forgot about this picture, but it was fantastic for what it was.

Music: Inception

I just loved this score, I have a feeling they might go with 127 hours; A.R. Rahman is such a standout from the field, but I didn't feel he accomplished quite what he did with Slumdog Millionaire, and Zimmer outdid his work on Pirates for this one.

Song: Tangled

I want this movie to be rewarded.

Sound Editing: Tron Legacy

I think this one is much more involved than any of the other nominees.

Sound Mixing: Inception

As with the Cinematography, they distinguish 4 seperate realities, yet present a unified vision and film. Very excellent work.

Visual Effects: Inception

I downplayed my reaction to this movie, but it really is dazzling, especially everything you notice on the second viewing.

Adapted Screenplay: 127 Hours

This is probably one of the most challenging stories to bring to life on the screen, and it's written very well, exploring so many facets of humanity. I have a feeling they will choose The Social Network, because it's a media darling and what else could it possibly win for? Still uncertain why people liked this disjointed teen drama.

Original Screenplay: The Kings Speech

Everyone's raving about this movie (I haven't seen it) and I haven't really given it a chance in any other category, so I figure it has to win something.

OKAY, I have commented in the past about my personal distinction between BEST and FAVORITE. These are all in the BEST category, but I usually pick something else for my favorite movie of the year, and honestly, my favorite movie that I saw this year was, well, The Runaways. I thought it was great. It gets the Golden Mattyo. Also a total breakout performance for Dakota Fanning. Looking forward to her acting as an adult.

Final Scores

Inception: 4

Black Swan: 3

127 Hours: 3

Alice in Wonderland: 2

1 Each: The Fighter, True Grit, Toy Story 3, Tangled, Tron: Legacy, The Kings Speech

Clueless

2011-01-10T12:56:00.001-08:00

I have no idea who's reading this. Please leave a comment if you do.

My Mini Mega Church & Mission

2011-01-09T14:54:00.001-08:00

So My Church started a new series entitled "Missional Life" and while it's a great idea, and a great series to go through, there are definitely certain things missing that you couldn't really say in a mini mega church like mine. Like the whole living in community beyond the church, not being attractional, and the missional movement as a reaction to traditional christendom.

When I go to church, I think of three youtube videos, every sunday something like this happens.

This is so true, Sunday morning is an event, not a community, so people are just gonna feel awkward there.

This is just a hilarious depiction that is so true of the sunday morning event.

I've never visited the youth group, but I bet it's a little like this.

Don't get me wrong, I've really enjoyed my time at Bethany Baptist Church, but it's a very traditional-contemporary church, so to truly engage in mission is a big stretch for all of us there. I'm very interested to see what the results of this series will be in the life of the community.

Today's Lesson

2011-01-07T13:29:00.000-08:00

Wisdom

Understanding

Knowledge

Information

Data

Start at the bottom and work your way up.

Time for Cheer

2010-12-24T10:55:00.000-08:00

...and that means christmas movies.

So, I am not a very traditional person when it comes to this, so here are my top 5 Christmas Movies. I realize there are a lot of lists coming out here, but i'm pretty sure no one is reading anyway.

Die Hard

I don't know why, but nothing says Merry Christmas, Ho Ho Ho! like a dead terrorist decorated in an elevator shaft.

Batman Returns

One of my favorite christmas lines of all time in this movie: "Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it. But a kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it."

The Nightmare Before Christmas

There's something so maniacal and twisted about this movie. I love when the kid pulls the shrunken head out of the giftbox. Also, this movie has everything, good music, true love, a great battle with an awesome villain, and there's something so kitch about that classic clay animation style

A Christmas Story

I know, you're thinking this is the first "Christmas Movie" I've listed, and this isn't really the best film, just a series of vignettes about being a kid at christmas time, and it's hilarious.

Scrooged/Muppet Christmas Carol

These are the two best versions of the immortal Charles Dickens classic, because you can laugh yourself silly at them. Christmas cheer for me is laughter. And it doesn't get better than Billy Murray or the Muppets.

Well, I'm off!

Merry Mary Labor Day!

Find Out What It Means To Me

2010-12-15T17:23:00.000-08:00

Someone asked me the other day what respect means, and what the difference is between respect and love. This person had the fundamental assumption that Respect must be earned. It might sound strange at first, but I completely disagree. I think that the way we understand respect or the most part is derived from our secular world values. Don Miller talks about these values in the book Searching For God Knows What and uses the analogy of a lifeboat. In a sense, we compete for respect, value, self-validation, and when we place a price on respect, it means we are tragically disrespectful to a potentially large group of people.

I personally think that respect has to do with honoring someone else's dignity. All people are created as the image of God, including the people that embody the things we hate the most. I had some very interesting discussions this past weekend about the death penalty and various other implications of the biblical teaching of anthropology, but I think the one that stands out to me the most is respect as unmerited.

I surely believe that we ought, as Christians to strive toward being honorable, in fact to be mature and complete, just as God is perfect (Matthew 6:48) we have a standard, and though we may fall short, our intentions and improvements ought to be observable. Our hypocracies allegedly reinforce atheism, but in some ways our inability to succeed apart from God is entirely the point. If we, who have been redeemed, united with the spirit, are reminded of our weaknesses by our hopefully diminishing trespasses, then how could we ever earn respect. If nothing else, the secular standard of earning respect is actually set too low. But that means, if we truly set the standard where it ought to be, then nobody can really earn respect. We all are needy in someway, we all are weak in some way.

I think that rather than worrying about gaining the respect of others (yet another pit fall is the sub-cultural quantificational overload: A person will invariably exclude themselves from being respected by some in the act of earning the respect of others) we need to realize that we're going about things backward. We ought instead to give respect freely. Respect, like love, is a form of grace. One can never hope to overcome the disrespect of others by being disrespectful. To teach respect, one must be respectful. Think about the people you respect the least, think about why, and then think about what makes them different from you. Imagine what could happen if you show them respect freely.

Is respect an ascent to the things which you view as unworthy of respect that we observe in the lives of others? No, respect is an ascent to their sacred origin, their right to human dignity. One of the problems I have observed along with many others is that the problem with charity is that it stops as pity. To truly help someone they must realize the humility and grace that comes with being a child of God. To step into the light of grace is also to step into the light of the dignity that comes with what we were intended for, and the respect of self that naturally gives rise to the respect of others.

On a final and related note, contrary to some interpreters, Christ has not called us to self-love (Matthew 22:39) but any sense of self-respect and personal honesty will lead to the shores of humility, and the free respect of those around us.

By Request

2010-09-01T09:38:00.000-07:00

My Top Ten Movies of All Time*

1. Zero Effect

2. A Life Less Ordinary

3. Pulp Fiction

4. The Manchurian Candidate (1959)

5. Braveheart

6. In Cold Blood

7. The Salton Sea

8. Brick

9. Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?

10. Into The Wild

*On a side note, I think there is obviously a degree of technicality in the production of a film, and so I would argue that there is actually a difference between my favorite movies and the best movies I've seen. Often the movies listed above were not even the best movie I saw that year, for which I award the Golden Matty O. For example Brick came out in 2005 but the golden Matty O for that year went to Collateral. I don't think I could pick the 10 best movies ever, because, well, there's too many to choose from.

Cinemawhatty?

2010-08-30T08:36:00.000-07:00

If you don't know me and you're reading this, I am somewhat of a film buff. I talk about cinematography, and director's bodies of work, I analyze subtext, and I view storytelling on both an intentional and sublime plain, and I look at most movies, even bad movies, as artwork, as pieces of art to be understood and affected.

But something I just realized about 5 minutes ago is that one of the reasons I watch movies and like them so much, is because not only do I enjoy them, consider them philosophical platforms, and engage my mind in creative ways when I watch them. It's because in a way, watching movies makes me a more interesting person.

In the last 48 hours, I've actually become more aware of how I interact with the medium, and how I talk, act, etc. It's not informed by movies, persay, but it's definitely influenced. You'd have to be an idiot to claim that media doesn't affect you. I embrace that fact, but I also use discernment.

I was having a conversation last night, and I turned a scene from a movie into a conversation piece, without referencing the movie at all. I think a number of my "witty remarks" are allusions or direct quotes to some of my favorite movies, however obscure or immemorable to my audience. It's not even an act of mimicry, or even intentional; I have always been drawn to movies where the characters and dialogue reminded me of me in the first place. When I discover a movie that is one of my favorites, it's often because I feel that lines, sometimes pages of dialogue, character attributes and even minor plot points were taken out of my journal/inner monologue.

That is all, just an observation. Let me know if you catch me doing it :)

Also, if you didn't catch it, the title of this post is an allusion to a movie line from a really really really ridiculously funny movie.

Do you deserve your weekend?

2010-08-30T02:39:00.000-07:00

I had a great weekend. I refereed some little kids playing football which I actually enjoy despite the vitriolic ranting of parents and coaches alike. I read a great book, I spent some time with friends, I went to church, I had some of the best food that one can buy in my city and I saw a summer blockbuster movie which wasn't too disappointing. I met a really cool person, and had more than one very good conversation.

But I didn't deserve any of it. And that's what's so mindblowing about living in this country, what is so upsetting to me when people take it for granted.

I think if you asked most any american, they would tell you of course they deserve their weekend, their vacation, their long lunch, their quality time with their boy or girl friend, their family, their free evenings to go carousing, their ability to choose their field of work.
last week, someone pointed out to me the logical error in that way of thinking. No matter how hard you work, you don't deserve any of those things; you inherited them. So claim that you deserve those things is to claim that those who do not have those things, ie impoverished people in 3rd world countries, do not deserve them. Which, to make that claim is pretty much b.s. so, don't even try it.

The idea of inheritance is pretty significant in this society as well as in the bible. And what's crazy, is that that's exactly how they describe heaven. It's an inheritance that we couldn't possibly deserve, but we get to inherit because of grace, and through which we are meant to help others.

So, if you think about it, being an average american is basically like being a prince or a princess. Do you want to live up in your castle, or do you want to share it with the world?

Vision Problems

2010-07-22T15:13:00.000-07:00

I'm not talking about my eyes.

In basic leadership class, they tel you that every leader is a visionary, and if he's not, he's no leader at all. Now the fun part of the metaphor contained in that sort of language is that every leader is a visionary, but no leader as 20/20 vision. There are a variety of vision problems a leader can develop, and this is partly addressed in The Externaly-Focused Church. Here they give a few examples, and I am clearly guilty as I have been engaged in various tasks of leadership.

I am essentially nearsighted and wall-eyed. Meaning, It's difficult for me to really cast long-term vision, or see things in the future as being differently than they are now. This is definitely true as I consider myself, It's very difficult to envision myself changing or growing or becoming better. Which naturally leads itself to helplessness and hopelessness if unattended to.

I also tend to be concerned with what's going on all around me. What a friend of mine calls FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and so to take a straight path toward a goal is much more difficult when, if I am honest, I have as my only real goal to do everything I want to do. Even the things which are mutually exclusive. This is the most painful when I have meditative and introspective periods, because I literally don't know which desires to follow.

One example of this is the desire for adventure. Now, one of the lessons that God taught me in the time I spent seeking out the peace corp only to withdraw 3 months before my scheduled departure, was that God has stories and adventures for us, but there is a difference between an adventurous heart and a reckless foolishness. Wisdom and Adventure are not antithetical. And yet, I feel like if I knew certain details of my life, like whether or not I'll get married, I would live my life differently depending on the verdict. I would take stupid risks if I didn't want my story to have a family in it.

How do I resolve these desires for family and adventure? I want to believe that their incompatibility is a cultural fabrication, but, it's hard. It's just hard, expecially when I feel like I could just end up frozen and not fulfill either one.

As one chaplain asked me when I commented on not being married, "What are you doing about it?" I think that's the point. If you want something, and it fits with godliness, go for it. But let God be the guide, and always hold up your heart for changing.

P-P-P-P-Pluralism....?

2010-07-15T14:27:00.000-07:00

Hey, so few people read this, but all the same I thought I'd post what I get the most questions about in my pursuit of army chaplaincy is what I can and can't do, and what my specific role is as a chaplain, and here is a paper on pluralism that starts to answer that question. Also, I think I'm now way more patriotic than I ever imagined myself in previous years.

Pluralism is the key element of the chaplain ministry. “Army Chaplains represent faith groups within the pluralistic religious culture in America and demonstrate the values of religious freedom of conscience and spiritual choice.” [1] This is the chaplain’s calling, and pluralism is its foundation in order to “support the free exercise of religion for all members of the Army.”[2]

The basis for pluralism in the armed forces, and in the nation, consists of two primary statutes. The first is the establishment clause, "Congress shall make no lawrespecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.”[3] Where many countries throughout history had joined with particular religious groups, The United States is founded on pluralistic all-inclusive values. Thus the equal treatment of all people regardless of faith tradition is paramount to the successful operation of America’s armed forces and specially tasked to the chaplain ministry.

The second statute in the US Code describes the pluralistic obligations of a chaplain: “Each chaplain shall, when practicable, hold appropriate religious services at least once on each Sunday for the command to which he is assigned, and shall perform appropriate religious burial services for members of the Army who die while in that command…”[4] These actions to a diverse religious field give rise to two distinct modes which protect the chaplains integrity with regard to his denominational allegiance and allow for free exercise of religion at the Chaplains facility.

The two major tenets of the chaplain ministry in a pluralistic environment are summed up in two key phrases: “Cooperation without Compromise” and “Perform or Provide”. Cooperation without compromise functions to protect the Chaplain as far s/he is bound by the requirements of his or her endorser, and the conviction of his or her faith tradition. According to AR 165-1, “Chaplains are responsible to keep the command informed when they perceive a requirement that may exceed their endorsement accountability.”[5]

“Perform or Provide” sums up the chaplains duty when faced with pluralistic differences. According to AR 165-1,[6] a chaplain is to perform religious education, religious rites and chapel services in accordance with his faith tradition, and provide for those who are of different traditions. Pluralism does not require that anyone affirm the validity of the faith practice of another individual, only that that individual is given equal opportunity and support in the free exercise of their faith.

In my chaplain ministry, pluralism plays a central role, and my endorsing agency fully acknowledges it. Pluralism is a part of the culture of the military, and chaplaincy is not a private church ministry. My role as a minister is not to separate myself from those of different faith, but rather to support them in any way I can under the “perform or provide” banner. Pluralism is critical in the role of a chaplain and requires tolerance towards other faith traditions. At the same time, it opens the door for interfaith dialogue, and allows others to examine their faith and values as they live them out.

[1] AR 165-1 pg. 1

[2] AR 165-1 pg. 18

[3] The Constitution of the United States of America, 1^st Amendment

[4] U.S Code Title 10, Section 3547

[5] AR 165-1 pg. 11

[6] AR 165-1 pg. 7

Not every day

2010-05-21T16:28:00.000-07:00

So earlier today Mark Driscoll tweeted at me regarding my response to his blog. A little surreal, since he's the pastor of thousands, a well known author, international orator, and basically a total bad ass, and I'm a grease spot, but he wasn't TOO condescending, so that was nice. This is a popular argument he makes, and a catchy phrase to distill it, but, it's not a very sound one.

1) Hebrews 11 teaches that Moses was well prepared and trained to be the leader of a people long before he received his call at the burning bush

2) Saying Jesus didn't call any of the Pharisees is actually false. There was one named Nicodemus, another named Joseph, and another named Saul.

3) The entire reason that Stephen and his friends were appointed in ministry was because they were qualified.

4) The basis for calling elders in 1 Timothy 3 requires men who have been trained in godliness.

There's more examples, and there are plenty of examples that support his argument. Nice try, Pastor Mark, but the answer is 'both'.

Arson of the Heart

2010-04-01T21:41:00.001-07:00

So, I don't know about you, but I was something of a pyromaniac when I was younger. Fire is amazing. And I still remember how a particular TV show which I was perhaps not supposed to watch got in major trouble cause the characters would say "fire, fire" over and over again, and then some kid burned down his house while watching it.

I think fire is amazing because it represents so much that's good, light, heat, energy, and yet it is so dangerous and destructive. So powerful, so useful, yet so lethal, and actually, quite scary. Something about a bonfire makes you just want to watch the flames and not look away. Something so poetic in their dance.

People talk about the fire that burns in our hearts, the spark of life, the man on fire, and there are a host of negative connotations as well. One such powerful metaphor comes from the Bible in James 3:5-6

How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell.

I was listening to an easter message with some friends and it was about adoption, specifically the ministry of adoption in the Gospel. Passages like Ephesians 1:5, Romans 8:23 are so amazing, and the sort of thing that to a certain degree we miss out on, because we're so caught up in our own cultural value of relationships, and a lot of static builds up.

I could write and should write an entire post about the connection between Adoption, Sonship, Image of God and Likeness, and how adoption correlates to imputed righteousness, but right now I want to understand the identity in adoption.

Another passage that people (people!) usually bring up is the Parable of the Prodigal Son, which is illustrating a very similar idea in fatherly love, but an altogether different point about forgiveness, and really these two land side by side in sermons, and need a little bit better coordination.

This is where fire becomes important. If sin, as James so suggests, is fire, then we are all arsonists. If it is God's law which explains how we have sinned, against whom we have sinned, then it's a little bit like we've burned God's house down with our sin. Flagrantly. Imagine a great house, beautiful and fair. Painted bright colors to contrast the billows of sickening black smoke. As the beams and panelling succumb to the gaudy flames, you can hear an infant crying from an upstairs nursery. This part of the story doesn't end well. The simple brilliance that our adoption in Ephesians 1 coordinates with our status as enemy in Ephesians 2 is sometimes lost. God's son died because of the fire set by you and me, and God adopted us, murderous arsonists. I hope that's not too vivid. It pains me to write it, really.

I won't carry the metaphor over into the absurdity, but, the idea of house and household, and sonship (coming soon) becomes important. We're God's children now, and we still sin. So now, it's like we're setting our own house on fire. Everyday, like children playing with matches. And God's there with a fire extinguisher, trying to help us grow up. Someone wise once pointed out that sin is usually chasing something good in a bad way. In a way that ruins it, and everything around it. Fire is useful. Fire is passion, energy, strength, beauty.

I was an arsonist. But now I can make something beautiful, something good. Being God's children means having a stake in his household, and realizing that it's not duty that holds us accountable, but the sense that to turn against God is now the purest form of self-destruction. This is the beginning. Happy Easter.

Simple Complexity

2010-03-26T12:24:00.000-07:00

So, life is complicated. I'm probably not going to say anything terribly profound in this post. One of the more frequent issues that I've counseled people on is the apparent disconnect between the "black and white" language of the bible and the seemingly grey tension of normal life circumstances and the decisions we must make.

When people feel sorrow or fear grief, it seems trite to comfort them with God's sovereignty and the promises of the Bible, and in times of difficult choices, telling people of the simplicity of right and wrong is often unhelpful and misguided. But we can't just shelve truth when it's hard, right?

And the beauty of the Bible is it's robust complexity and simplicity distilled from it. You can explain the gospel to a 5 year old, and get a PhD in it. The major problem we have when we encounter truth is sin. Sin makes it more complicated. Sin creates tension, and makes it extremely grey. We're not supposed to be freaked out by that, resist the tension, or refuse to live in the grey zone. Christianity is a rollercoaster of grey. And being afraid of tension, of working it all out in the midst of our problems and taking the Bible and applying it is a presupposition that must be exposed.

I want to step passionately forward when I'm struck by how complicated life seems to the simplicity of the truth, because I want that truth to shape me through my experiences and I want to grasp more and more how truth applies to life. Sometimes We have amoral decisions, sometimes we have very evenly matched moral decisions, and sometimes we need to learn hard lessons, but don't pretend life is simple. Run hard, and stay focused, and my hope and prayer is that the decisions I've made will be the best that I could have made at the time. I know God is at work in and through this world, and trusting that is what has brought me to where I am, and will carry me to where I go as I passionately step forward. Philippians 2:12-13 tries to say this, and make it sound really casual. This is what life is about.

Trophies Are For Sports

2010-03-06T22:05:00.001-08:00

The Annual gathering The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is tomorrow, and while I don't care a whole lot since they invariably get it wrong every year, the potential pleasant surprise is always welcome (like when Crash deservedly won best picture in 2005).

The big three when people talk about classic cinema and the best films ever made are of course Citizen Kane, Casablanca, and Sunset Boulevard, but only one of those three movies won best picture the year it came out. If you guessed Casablanca, you were right.

Citizen Kane came out the same year as The Maltese Falcon and both lost best picture to How Green Is My Valley?. Sunset Boulevard lost along with King Solomon's Mine to All About Eve.

So, if the academy missed those ones, it's obviously a tough call. Especially as they have expanded the field to 10 movies this year. This is probably silly, because it is obvious that some of these movies are not contenders.

District 9 won't win. The only fantasy/sci-fi movie to ever win was Return of the King.

I haven't seen Precious, A Serious Man, An Education, or The Blind Side, but I would bet none of them are going to win either.

Though it is visually stunning, Avatar should not win. Titanic should not have won either. It was up against LA Confidential, Good Will Hunting, and As Good As it Gets, which are all superior films, but the Academy likes James Cameron. I would like for him to win best director, since the amount of detailed work he put into creating Avatar is really, without question, excellent work, but the story itself and the acting and it's dependence on the visual effects really detracts from it as best picture material. It should also win all the technical awards (side note, how on earth did they not at least nominate Watchmen for best visual effects?)

Every year they talk about the annual Pixar movie being nominated, particularly the last three, Ratatouille, Wall-E and now Up. These movies don't have a chance because there's no female roles in them. There's a distinct lack of depth in the relational characteristics of the plot, though Up comes much further than it's predecessors. The only other animated feature to ever be nominated was Disney's Beauty and the Beast.

So the real nominees are Up In The Air, The Hurt Locker (directed by James Cameron's ex-wife, Kathryn Bigelow) and Inglorious Basterds. I would really be happy with any of these three winning, but I have a bias for Tarantino, So Inglorious Basterds is my pick. I would also suggest 2 movies that weren't nominated, and that's Invictus and The Messenger. I really liked Watchmen, but I realize a lot of people didn't get it, so I won't even suggest it, even though it did make my all decade list, and none of the movies nominated for this year did. This is partly because I think it's the best adaptation of a comic book ever, and that's a preview of future blogs about what I think is so special about comic books and movies.

My favorite title for a movie that was ever nominated for best picture is probably "Kiss of the Spider Woman".

People Will Always Surprise You

2010-02-11T14:01:00.001-08:00

I'm just blown away when a person can leave these two distinct and contrasting messages within a 24 hour period.

(the note-leavers dirty dishes, left out for 2-4 days on average)

I get it, and I try to be respectful, and that note wasn't even directed at me, but people always make it seem like "the community is suffering" when someone has different expectations than them, yet they have no concept of reality when it comes to how they themselves act.

Next week I'll be writing a paper on Colossians 3:12-17, and in v. 12-13 it talks about the difference between bearing with one another and forgiving one another. In the simplest terms, Forgiving people is what you do when they sin against you, when it's a real issue.

Bearing with one another is what you do when it's not a sin. It's just a person that's really irritating to you for whatever reason. It's the majority habit that we need to build. And it's the fundamental principle in community and relationship. You decide together what the expectations are, but then you accept 100% for the sake of your friendship. I have been learning so much about this in the last few years. Successful relationships are based on unconditional love and conflict is only ever truly resolved by an increase in everyones humility.

Wonder what I do in Seminary?

2010-02-05T12:31:00.000-08:00

Not really, huh?

Well here it is anyway, this is the first exegetical paper my prof proclaimed as 'excellent'. The first of mine that is, not the first ever.

Philemon 10-14

¹⁰παρακαλῶ σε περὶ τοῦ ἐμοῦ τέκνου, ὃν ἐγέννησα ἐν τοῖς δεσμοῖς Ὀνήσιμον,

¹¹τόν ποτέ σοι ἄχρηστον νυνὶ δὲ [καὶ] σοὶ καὶ ἐμοὶ εὔχρηστον,

¹²ὃν ἀνέπεμψά σοι, αὐτόν, τοῦτ' ἔστιν τὰ ἐμὰ σπλάγχνα: ¹³ὃν ἐγὼ ἐβουλόμην πρὸς ἐμαυτὸν κατέχειν, ἵνα ὑπὲρ σοῦ μοι διακονῇ ἐν τοῖς δεσμοῖς τοῦ εὐαγγελίου, ¹⁴χωρὶς δὲ τῆς σῆς γνώμης οὐδὲν ἠθέλησα ποιῆσαι, ἵνα μὴ ὡς κατὰ ἀνάγκην τὸ ἀγαθόν σου ᾖ ἀλλὰ κατὰ ἑκούσιον.

10-11

Paul resumes his thought from v.9 by restating the verb παρακαλῶ, and uses the following verses to explain the content and nature of his appeal to Philemon. The σε is evidently the direct object. Its bluntness and its personal appeal come across in the following section in which Paul uses many pronominal and structural nuances to show his personal and passionate approach to his appeal before Philemon.

The subject of Paul’s appeal is expressed in the prepositional phrase περὶ τοῦ ἐμοῦ τέκνου. In keeping with the emphatic nature of this passage, περὶ can be understood more directly as “for” rather than the more removed, referential “concerning”. The articulated τοῦ ἐμοῦ τέκνου also carries a stronger idea of concern with it. Paul actually says something very profound on a socio-cultural level here. Paul is interceding, begging for the life of a slave. So much so that he is willing to call that slave his very son. The emphatic language is warranted considering the scope of reactions his writing may provoke.

ὃν is masculine and accusative by attraction to Ὀνήσιμον, though one and the same with τέκνου. The aorist ἐγέννησα has an consummative force to it, as γεννάω refers here to the spiritual transformation of Onesimus which Paul alludes to in other verses. ἐν τοῖς δεσμοῖς modifies the verb circumstantially, giving us a better understanding that Paul met Onesimus and brought him to faith in the Lord in his imprisonment.

Ὀνήσιμον comes at the end of the verse so that his current status as a believer is established, and to transition into Paul’s statement about his character in verse 11. It’s also emphatic language, again, that Paul would give a simple slave a long title before naming him. There is also particular lexical significance, as Paul makes a play on words which relates to the meaning of Ὀνήσιμον – useful.

τόν is the second of five particles that refer back to Ὀνήσιμον and relates to the accusatives ἄχρηστον and εὔχρηστον. Following the consummative aorist, Paul employs a contrast on many levels and uses a brilliant pun. He sets in contrast ποτέ and νυνὶ establishing the definitive change that has occurred. ἄχρηστον and εὔχρηστον are both used here to establish the 180 degree difference in Philemon. There is also a noteworthy double pun: Paul states that Onesimus (“useful”) was “useless” (ἄχρηστον) but now is “very useful” (εὔχρηστον). He also uses words very similar in form to Χριστός and so Paul alludes to his status as a convert being apart from Christ, now a fellow Christian.

Paul continues his appeal to Philemon and praise of Onesimus. The aorist ἀνέπεμψά is epistolary, as it is presumed that Onesimus himself is delivering the letter. Paul is his most emphatic here. The intensive αὐτόν and the expression τοῦτ' ἔστιν τὰ ἐμὰ σπλάγχνα make this a very bold and heartfelt appeal. The expression of σπλάγχνα is one of several thematic words Paul uses in his argument. He places further responsibility on Philemon with this word, having already cited Philemons refreshment of the hearts of the saints (v.7) and he uses the phrase again in a request in v. 20.

αὐτόν is an emphatic intensifier and part of a deluge of pronouns that Paul uses in this passage, emphasizing the relationships involved and the importance of the three key men in this delicate affair. Onesimus, Philemon and Paul are all of deep significance in how the church will deal with this socially and culturally loaded issue. Paul seeks to intensify the personal nature of it in his writing.

Two pronouns, ὃν and ἐγὼ connect this verse right into Paul’s appeal and assessment of Onesimus. He uses the imperfect ἐβουλόμην as either an epistolary imperfect, but more likely as a conative imperfect, expressing a thoughtful wish Paul had. His wish is explained by the complimentary infinitive κατέχειν.

There is some deliberation as to the exact meaning of κατέχειν as to whether it was Paul’s wish “to hold back” Onesimus longer even though Onesimus may have felt burdened to make peace with his Christian master following his own conversion to Christ. Or if a simple “retain” sense is appropriate. It is usually best not to read into the situation, as it could be equally argued that Onesimus would have wanted to continue to aid Paul’s gospel ministry and no doubt would have been apprehensive at facing a potential penalty for a runaway slave.

Paul uses two uncommon prepositional expressions here in v. 13. πρὸς ἐμαυτὸν is of note as an example of atypical disagreement between a transitive verb and an adverbial stative preposition. Following the purpose clause ἵνα, Paul uses ὑπὲρ σοῦ as a substitutionary phrase. This is particularly significant to other verses of the same construction, which express soteriological principles. Here Paul is probably assuming Philemon is naturally encouraged to know He is well served in his imprisonment, and possibly alluding to what he will directly state in v. 19 – that is Philemon’s spiritual heritage in Paul.

The Present sunjunctive διακονῇ simply expresses the contingency of Paul’s wish, and anticipates Paul’s fourth reminder to Philemon of his own imprisonment ἐν τοῖς δεσμοῖς τοῦ εὐαγγελίου. Here Paul echoes his first statement (δέσμιος Χριστοῦ Ἰησοῦ). The circumstantial sense of ἐν followed by the genitive implies that it is for the very purposes of Christ and the Gospel that Paul is in prison.

There is s very similar structure between v.13 and v.14. Both feature an indicative with a complimentary infinitive followed ἵνα and a subjunctive. Paul makes a clear contrast between v. 13 (Paul’s wish) and v.14 (reality) with the adversative δὲ.

Despite his wishes and insight, He does not want to diminish Philemon’s importance in this matter. It is noted here for Philemon as well as for the whole church and even the community (which would have included other slave owners) that Paul does not take or order Philemon to action χωρὶς τῆς σῆς γνώμης. The following ὡς also connotes that the appearance as well as the heart of Philemon’s actions and good deeds ought to be κατὰ ἑκούσιον rather than κατὰ ἀνάγκην. Philemons approval and consent are vital in this matter, not only for legal but moral purposes.

Paul uses the aorist ἠθέλησα to contrast his wishes (ἐβουλόμην) with his definitive will or decision. Here it is explained by the complimentary infinitive ποιῆσαι. He was truly setting this matter aside to Philemon’s choosing, and uses ἵνα to reveal his purpose yet again.

τὸ ἀγαθόν σου ᾖ is no doubt anaphoric to παντὸς ἀγαθοῦ from v. 6. It’s status as a ultimate, or general sense of abstract good, or a specific action, or generic habit is ambiguous. In either case, however, “your goodness/your good deed” could refer to Philemon’s treatment of Onesimus, which Paul elaborates even more in v. 16-17 and v.20-21.

Paul is turning up the heat in both his appreciation and love for both men, as well as the mounting tension in light of the circumstances. Paul builds towards his climax with a series of personal pronouns extolling the changed character of Onesimus and how he views a great deal of potential benefits from a peaceful and good resolution to the conflict.

Football

2010-01-22T15:32:00.000-08:00

Why do I write about sports, movies, cultural expressions that a lot of people could call a waste of time? Because I think there is something great about them. If we didn't have sports, we wouldn't really know what it meant when the bible talks about victory, or glory. These are reflections of the eternal expressed every day on the court/field/stage/pitch.

The playoffs are approaching. This is good. The pursuit of glory is an easily deconstructed metaphor, which I think needs to project each person into a greater state of self awareness, specifically regarding why we do what we do and like what we like. Not that you need to be nitty gritty about what you like. I like football. I know some abstract reasons, and some more specific reasons, you can hear these in movies about sports, like Remember the Titans, The Express, The Program, Any Given Sunday, Rudy, and so on.

But if you don't know what motivates you, that's probably why you struggle with apathy, or find yourself doing things that you don't really want to do. And this leads to serious problems when you get into relationships.

I am just sort of wandering in this post, but that is all for now.

Tops in Cinema

2010-01-22T11:08:00.000-08:00

Top 10 movies of the previous decade in no particular order

1. O Brother, Where Art Thou?

2. Memento

3. Watchmen

4. The Fountain

5. The Fall

6. Into the Wild

7. The Royal Tenenbaums

8. Big Fish

9. 28 Days Later

10. The Salton Sea

Best Remake: Man on Fire (Runner Up - Oceans 11)

Best Pure Visual: Avatar (duh) (Runner Up - Sin City)

Best Musical: Sweeney Todd (Runner Up - Moulin Rouge)

Best Animated Feature: The Incredibles (Runner Up - Wall-E)

Best Franchise Film: Batman Begins (Runner Up - Casino Royale)

Best Foreign Film: Pan's Labrynth (Runners Up - Tsotsi, District 9)

Best Sports Movie: Cinderella Man (Runner Up - Coach Carter)

Best Trilogy: Lord of the Rings (Runner Up - Spider-Man)

Best War/Soldier Movie: The Hurt Locker (Runner up - The Messenger)

if it were top 20:

collateral, crash, beyond the sea, millions, green street hooligans, snatch, brick, 500 days of summer, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, Kill Bill 1 & 2 (combined)

honorable mention: American Psycho, Donnie Darko, Sideways, Road to Perdition

Processing Hardship

2010-01-22T10:24:00.000-08:00

Here is me rambling; in part this post is an elaboration of my poem from earlier this month.

I don't think I know how to process or understand hardship, and the more I listen to other people, the more I don't think they do either. Especially on a global scale. I am a happy youtube user, and I listen to a number of Vloggers. One such commentator who I really like, said that in our lifetime (he's 21) we had NEVER seen such massive destruction and death as in Haiti, and even, somewhat arrogantly said people were welcome to question him, though he was confident in his assertion.

But he is wrong. A pessimistic tally of the Tsunami killed over 320,000 people. That was 6 years ago. So, I think that's what I'm getting at. It's not that we should diminish Haiti at all, I have friends that are arriving there this evening, and the country is sorely in need of hands, feet, funds, prayers and miracles. But Haiti is going to take a long time to recover, and if we don't remember that as many people died 6 years ago, we're not going to stick it out in Haiti.

But this is not new, or bizarre, or anymore difficult than any other event in the last 6000 years of human history. And that's one of the problems that I see in postmodernity, is the fact that the emphasis on experience has led people to not believe in history. They comprehend it, that's easy. But the hundred years war, the plague, World War 2, we don't believe that people have suffered for forever. And not that we should give any ground retreat anyway from bearing the burdens of others, but, we need to be realistic that the world is broken. If you admit that, you will remember it, and you will become more and more convinced of the need to trust in God. Deepening trust in God changes our lives and our decisions, and if it doesn't, it's not real. That's where experience comes in to play. It's not about what happens to you, it's about what you make happen. I'm stuck here. That's okay. I'm praying for haiti and for all those who are able to go there. It's not just about haiti, it's about the whole world. I need to change.

I go back to this over and over again in my head: I love the story Don Miller tells in Blue Like Jazz, where he wants to go to war protests carrying a sign that says "I am the problem". Redemption starts where each person is, abject poverty, and utter need. I am a failure and a fraud, and I need grace to be authentic. I am haiti. I am the tsunami. And it gets worse when I realize my shipwreck is entirely self-inflicted. But I am being redeemed by something completely outside my metaphysical borders. It will take a lifetime for me to be right. Don't give up on me yet, Jesus. Everyday is remembering and starting over.

My first time sharing something like this

2010-01-04T23:29:00.000-08:00

I've given girls poems, and I've written them for me, but I suppose I ought to take the plunge and put one out there for more than 1 set of eyes to see. Needs a title.

Awaiting the arrival of a dream unseen
Serene like winter waits for spring
Alive in the tragic land
Of perpetual disappointments
And reckless optimism.
Slowly driven
From the bed of dead desires
Towards the morning-after fires
By carrion cries.
A sunshine state of mind
In rapid decline.
Tepid waters rise around
My demise abounds
Here in lonesome town.
Alive I strive to live above the waves
Of mournful desperation
And rusty wilted crowns,
Held fast by strands of eternal hope;
My threads. White with light like wires
Bound around my wrists that twist and wind about me.
Kindness, virtue so surreal, so real a savior died for.
And death no more remains
But life abounds around the cross of loss and pain
In those sustained by grace.
Fear and shame are drowned
In throws that gnash and turn to ash.
Don't give up on me yet.

The Overcomers After Party

2009-12-31T17:28:00.000-08:00

People used to really confuse me when they would say heaven sounded boring, but I think I'm beginning to understand what they mean. When we look back at our lives, the things most worth doing are the things of tremendous difficulty. And we typically associate hardship with wrongdoing. As though only things that are unjust or wrong need to be overcome.

I don't think things are going to be easy in heaven, and I don't think we'll instantly know everything. We'll have a new perspective, but, I think we'll still learn in heaven, like Adam learned in the garden before he sinned. I think we'll have hard, satisfying work. No one wants a heaven that's just playing World 1-1 of Mario Bros. over and over again. It's fun, but not forever.

So I guess my new years resolution is to keep doing hard things (There's a book about that for young people, btdubs), cause it's the hard that makes it great. Here comes more seminary, starting ministry at my church, and of course, army stuff. That'll be the hardest, but that's good, right? It's time to overcome. So let's be great in 2010.

DFTBA!

The Worst Movie I Have Ever Seen

2009-12-24T23:54:00.001-08:00

The worst movie I have ever seen is the movie Eragon. Not only is it pathetic in it's style, with amateur CG, little to no character development, and worse acting than cardboard (despite a killer ensemble including John Malkovich, Ndijiman Hansou, & Jeremy Irons, my guess is they had less than stellar direction, cause they all suck in this movie), but it is actually a complete rip off of Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope.

The opening scene features a princess that is in trouble, and sends a parting message for help before her capture. This message is found by a scrawny, whiney blonde-haired boy who lives in his uncles farm. Shortly there after the boy is befriended by an elderly british actor who reveals the hidden meaning of the message and helps the boy discover that he is different from others and has special powers, which he will learn to use as the movie goes on. He and the boy must flee from the henchman of the evil ruler who's powerful right hand enforcer inspires fear and also has special powers. In their flight they are aided by a mysterious character who's allegiance is questionable. Rather than fleeing the ruler, they make a direct insurrection on the rulers layer in order to free the princess, and then after doing so, they are united with the group of rebels who opposes the ruler. The final battle determines whether the rebellion will continue.

I didn't read the book, so I don't know if that teenager who wrote the Eragon trilogy basically stole every single idea (The idea of magic, and naming items is similarly unoriginal, appearing in the Earthsea series by Ersela Le Guin, and the concept of dragons and riders, and a bond between them is a special feature of the Pern series by Anne McCaffrey) or if there are some original thoughts that didn't get translated to film.

I've had this in my head since 2006 when it came out, but I finally wanted to write it out. A weird entry for Christmas Eve, but whatever.

Pursuit of...

2009-12-17T19:13:00.000-08:00

Just read an interesting article and also saw several different tweets about happiness, so, in light of seeing and hearing tragedies all around me right now, I thought I'd blog a little about happiness. Because we all talk about happiness the way we talk about love. We want it, in every possible way, and only usually pair it with terms of softness. Some (like John Piper) would consider it the ultimate motivator. I think there is something to that, we as humans do primarily, if not only what we believe will bring us the most happiness. Sometimes we believe that happiness will result from a long term investment (This is a common approach to religion with a strong emphasis on the afterlife) and sometimes we believe that what we do right now should result in our happiness. Even infants decide which toy to play with by this simple formula.

I guess I would say that I believe we are not made to find happiness in ourselves. We're not meant to be the rockstars of life, and inevitably those who do live like rockstars (or literally are rockstars) find nothing at the end of the rainbow, and are left drained and lonely. Others find fulfillment because of one thing, and one thing alone: Connection. Whether it's in a marriage, a friend/community, a higher power, an identity within society, we all want connection. If you watch enough movies (and I really watch a lot of movies) you find that that is what drives almost every hero to the end of his story: his will to connect to something. And we all want to be the heroes of stories, don't we? (sidenote; read Don Miller's new book!)

So what are you doing? I inevitably get caught up in myself. I think that doing what I want to do will lead to my happiness, yet that is the precise inclination of human flesh that Jesus corrects. If you strive to save your life, you will lose everything. Only by seeking something greater than yourself, realizing the nature of reality around you and participating in the divine mission, can you truly find life, and live to the full.

I think that is something that strikes me most about my friend Justin who recently passed away. I shared some of the biggest triumphs and joys with him, and I also endured some uncomfortable silences and heated words that only pass between old friends, and some things drew us closer together as friends, and some things we agreed to disagree. But I would bet the farm that Justin was happy. Because Justin knew the one true God, and knew that he couldn't do anything apart from that connection sustaining him, and giving him life. Over the 14 years that I knew Justin, that is something I saw happen to him. Being friends with someone who truly knows Jesus is amazing, because you can actually watch them become more humble as they grow in grace. To paraphrase Justin, grace happens when we realize we won't ever be happy if we keep trying to win the game by ourselves, even if God himself is on the sideline cheering us on. Happiness is when we bench our own desires to cheer on God, and our participation in the kingdom is a further means of grace. To glorify God by enjoying Him, forever.

"Happy is a yuppy word; I am blessed." - Johnny Cash

When I Shall Die

2009-12-17T02:57:00.000-08:00

When I shall die, I think there are many common practices which i wish that were not to be observed.

First and foremost of these is a lack of burial. I shall be cremated and scattered, and no memorial or place holder shall be retained. Neither a grave nor a plaque nor any mark or notation shall commemorate my earthly residence. If any event is held in my remembrance, it will be a wake where people will drink, tell stories and laugh. The people will refrain from romanticizing or grandizing or idealizing my accomplishments on earth. If we were not on good terms, they are not to act as though we were. The only professional oration, or particular remarks made by a member of the clergy will chiefly concern my incredible frailty as a human being and my absolute and enduring need and utter dependence on God. I would not like to be remembered for things which were not true when I was alive. I simply want people to know that I am a failure, but Jesus changed my life and made me worthwhile. His sacrifice alone is the crowning glory of my life. Any who experienced me as good merely saw a shade of Jesus, and anyone who saw me at my worst knew the real me. I am not good, great, wonderful, thoughtful, considerate, or any other word that you may try to use to describe and flatter the memory of me in my fortunate absence. I am poor, weak, selfish, disgusting. I did not live up to my potential. I am a failure. The success of my life, the victory of my life, the thing which all the living can celebrate when I am gone is Jesus. Jesus won me on the Cross, and called me to follow him in his ressurection. I responded, however inadequately. I NEEDED Jesus. I felt this acutely every morning. That is something you can remember me for. That is all. I spent as much time as anyone wishing for things that never came true. I was not a very good friend. I experienced the joy of the LORD, and that is what gave my life purpose and meaning. Nothing of myself ever profited me, or anybody, it was God alone acting through me that may have benefited any person.

Matt O'Brien, Age 27

Take a Ride On The eBus

2009-12-03T19:32:00.000-08:00

I recently finished a 2-month exploration of digital communities, and did some research and made a video. I'm not going to post it to youtube, cause it's using some copyrighted stuff, but it's not 4 profit, so, meh. I'm uploading it to vimeo as I type this.

The main thing that I came away with is something I learned learned from a Frontline Special about kids that grow up with the internet. For me, The INternet came out when I was in 7th grade. It was a brand new thing, a new tool. And many people my age and older view it this way, but what I experienced in the last 2 months is that there is definitely more to the internet than a utility. When I presented this to a group of people, one person got really heated, because he felt that the nature of anonymity on the web makes the whole thing contrived. It's a performance, a mere use of a utility, not a place of true personal extension and expression. This is actually hinted at in the matrix where the digital self is a projection of the way the user sees themself, rather than as they are.

The question however is where is the truth and where is the act? many people express themselves in ways they never would in real life, and experience deep connections through online communities, and one of the highest personal values in an online community such as YouTube is authenticity.

This transition in thinking makes the internet not a utility, but a community, where the media facilitate human connections. This changes users into inhabitants. While this sounds bizarre, take the example of another common utility in most cities, the public bus.

Many people use the bus everday, generally for less than 2 hours, and consider a means to an end, it is a transportation utility. There are bus users and bus operators, as well as a host of things which the user never sees that keeps the busses running including mechanics, administrators and city officials.

But look at what happens over time. People who ride the same route begin to recognize one another, begin to know one another, as well as the operators that drive those routes. You might even be a first time bus user but be able to enter this environment and strike up a comversation with someone. The bus, which is a utility, features a small, temporary gathering of people. The bus is not simply full of users, it's become a community over time, full of inhabitants, however transient.

This is the shift in thinking with the internet, like many other tools and utilities, it has taken on a sense of habitation, and gives rise to a diverse set of tribes and sub-cultures.

Digital Communities (And Mission) from Matt O'Brien on Vimeo.

Contemporary Authors

2009-11-24T13:19:00.000-08:00

After years of reading philosophical, spiritual, religious and theological writings, I have observed one pattern that troubles me. Most every contemporary author I've read at some point will present a concept that is clearly derived from specific bible verses and not make any reference, making the idea seem as though it is their own. THey will, often in the same book, if not the same chapter and paragraph, propose an idea that could actually be quite good, but isn't really found in scripture. Then they'll reference a bible verse as their proof text. Tell me your ideas, but don't act like the bible has said it all along. and if the bible has said it all along, don't pretend to be innovative, Shane Claiborne.

Serving your country is harder to do than they make it sound

2009-10-25T13:35:00.000-07:00

I have recently been accepted as a Chaplain Candidate for the Army. What this means is that pending my successful completion of the Master of Divinity, I will be eligible to be a chaplain for a reserve unit. While I'm in school I will go to training every summer, including the chaplain version of basic, and throughout the year I will be assigned to assist a current chaplain in a reserve unit. In order to participate in all of this, I still need to be commissioned as a 2nd lieutenant, which I have orders for, I just need to execute them.

The army was my third choice, really. not that I had a solid reason for holding preference, but it was just the 3rd branch of the armed forces I attempted to join. I've had funny experiences with both the Navy and Air Force, so essentially, horrible people skills of recruiters is what led me to reject them.

The Navy was first, because I like idea of seafaring, and there's a LOT of diversity in naval units, from Marines to CB's to Ship's crews to Pilots and Carrier crews. The Navy is really cool. I tried calling them and leaving messages, and emailing and asking for more information and got no response whatsoever. I forgot all about it. About 8 months later, a man from the navy with shiny shoes and crisp white hat shows up unannounced on my doorstep. I had forgotten about my attempts to get more information from them. The whole thing was weird.

The Air Force was next, and I called them off of an informational brochure I had obtained from a display. I spoke to a nice rep who said he would forward all my info to a recruiter who would contact me shortly. After a month all I had recieved was an envelope from the Air Force containing the same brochure which I had used to contact them in the first place. I talked to a friend of mine who is in the same program I was trying to get into, and he gave me the contact info of his recruiter. I called her every day for two weeks and got no connection and no response. She finally did contact me after a phone tag session and acted like she didn't know the procedure for signing up a person for this program (when she had just done it for my friend). Months go by with no progress. Finally I complete the initial application and await further instruction, and I am contacted by another guy who seems to actually know what he's talking about and that he will be very helpful, except he tells me that I won't be eligible to apply until a certain requirement is fulfilled which I won't be able to do for a month. In that month, my first recruiter leaves me a message that she hasn't heard from me in a while, is wondering if I'm still interested, but she is dropping my file from the system, and I can call her and start over if I want to. I call her to inform her that I was told not to apply right now, and get no response. I call and email her when I am eligible and get no response whatsoever.

I contact the army. They respond immediately. They explain everything to me over the phone and in 2 waves of information, I fill out all the necesarry paperwork and get scheduled for processing. Within 6 weeks, everything I need for my application is completed, a month ahead of the due date.

It's amazing how common sense this is. go army.

"Not unless you can take me on!!!"

2009-10-24T16:59:00.000-07:00

-The words of a Bellevue junior football coach after I told him to shut up, as he yelled at me and the other officials (mostly at me) during the 4th quarter of todays game. Awesome. It only took 6 weekends of refereeing to be threatened with physical violence. I'm kind of surprised actually, that it took that long.

This post is about football.

I'm kind of saturated by it in life. I make game films of High School football games on friday nights, I run around on saturdays refereeing little kids games, and then I watch college football with my dad. Though I can't always tune in on Sundays, I'm in a fantasy football league for pro football.

Maybe it's a guy thing, but I really like it. I played growing up, so it's great.

Back on the subject of Jr. Football, which was really fun when I was a youth, I am sometimes actually horrified at the coaches. Now my dad was a coach, so I am a little biased, cause he was one of the greats. But the coaching these days sucks, to put it bluntly. Not that kids don't learn the game of football, or even that they aren't good at teaching fundamentals. The coaching staffs are just all populated by jerks. Really really loud jerks. (feel free to imagine I used a much more colorful and less flattering word)

Now, as a referee, I've come to accept that I will be maligned. And while I'm clearly the only objective person in the entire stadium (besides the other refs), that doesn't mean I don't make mistakes. All referees miss calls, and that's just the way it goes, and the game happens how they call it, and that's that. This is less apparent in pro football with the advent of video replay, but in other sports, like Baseball, human error is a longstanding tradition of the game. You'd think people would learn to live with it.

But I've never been treated worse in my entire life as a human being than at the hands of coaches in the peewee football system, particularly by coaches from either Bellevue or Mercer Island (rich and spoiled, big sense of entitlement, i can say it cause I'm from Bellevue). And this actually leads to my second point. First, MOST coaches are jerks. Second, ALL coaches are full of crap, even the ones that act nice; the day I hear a coach call a penalty on his own team is the day I will repent of that assertion, not before. I really can't believe some of their arguments, and I always consider the responses I could make but wisely attempt to keep quiet. Imagine if you will, a coach is in my face arguing, and here's what goes through my mind:

"What is the point of this conversation? I don't want to talk to this jerk. He either wants me to A) Reverse the call, which I'm not going to do. B) Feel bad, which I'm also not going to do C) admit that I am somehow biased against his team, which is the opposite of truth, I am in fact the only unbiased person in this stadium." At that point I usually employ one of my favorite self-quotes: "Why'd you even talk?"

Now just pretend it's not an in your face argument, but he just makes offhand remarks about MY lack of judgment in officiating the game. He either A) Thinks I'm hard of hearing, false B) Thinks that treating me like a piece of crap is going to sway me over to his side, false or C) Thinks that this could be considered 'helpful' in any way, false.

And the biggest temptation in all this isn't to yell back (oops, guilty), or give them penalties for their ridiculous and embarrassing behavior. The temptation is to scorn them when they make a bad call as a coach. In the same game in which I was threatened, the coach of the winning team was up by 10 with 3 minutes remaining. Rather than run the clock out, he calls a pass play, resulting in an interception. "COACH!! What were you THINKING? Only a complete MORON would call that kind of play." I stifle this thought in my brain before my mouth gets any crazy ideas.

Now there's no way around it, I'm basically getting paid to absorb the abuse of these men acting out their psychological disorders on the children's playing field, which is a shame for 2 reasons, 1) I think it has a horrible affect on the kids, and 2) because all of them are fabulously successful off the field, and I'm nothing compared to them in normal life. But here, and here alone where I have been given a modicum of responsiblity and authority, these men act like spoiled children, whining like mules for what is one of the least significant accomplishments with regard to eternity. To be thought of as a winner by a bunch of 8-year-olds. Wow. And the way some of them talk to the kids, it's painful. It actually reminds me of Pete Holmes impersonating an adult talking to a child Check him out on CH Live. Some of these coaches sound exactly like that.

Anyways, anyways. I also go to high school football games. These are a whole new world of fun and stupidity. It's hilarious how people get so worked up about it all. The Band, the food, the cheerleaders and drill team, the lights. The ridiculous fans, parents and high school students. It's all so funny, but the game itself is so fun to watch.

So, I guess that is all the reasons I shouldn't be into this game, but I am, cause it's a great game.

SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!

Christian is a noun, not an adjective.

2009-08-10T13:08:00.001-07:00

There are a few opportunities that I have noticed recently where "acting christian" restricts my ability to be like Christ. I feel like there is an image of christian behavior that has little too do with the image of God's Son, or a biblical understanding of purity, and which I am forced to live up to as a part of the church, particularly as a paid/volunteer staff person at a local church.

and yet, the call and appeal of vocational ministry is very strong...hopefully I am learning balance in all this.

Impulsive can be so Repulsive

2009-07-31T12:45:00.000-07:00

But we all do it. Even the most process-oriented, thoughtful and patient individuals are at their very center, impulsive creatures. As clever as I have always thought I was, and as thoughtful as I try to be, and as great as I am at planning something I really care about, I generally do what I feel like doing, to my own detriment. Particularly when it comes to relationships.

"The creative impulses of man are always at war with the possessive impulses." - Van Wyck Brooks. This is a great summary of my life of chasing after girls. I think that's why I turn into an even bigger idiot when I like a girl, because I just get overwhelmed by my possessive urges and want so badly to be the center of someone else's attention.

So this is what I am working on. I think the creative impulses are geared towards doing what is right. Doing something nice for someone else requires this creative impulse. This is yet another area of life where we are called to take every thought captive. To identify the source of our whims and to conduct that which is worthwhile under the control of the Holy Spirit. It's not easy, because these impulses are as close to second-nature as it gets, as fluid as our cultural origins and responses.

In the Matrix, Mouse very pointedly remarks that "To deny our impulses is to deny the very thing which makes us human." And he makes a very excellent point, that we ARE our impulses. You ARE your decisions. But I am not my own, I am not me, anymore. Galatians 2:20 summarizes what happened to me. Now this jumbled bag of impulses and fears is God's, and so...it's all got to be changed. Hopefully this will help me in future endeavours. Distant future...

Habits = Ruts

2009-06-29T21:51:00.000-07:00

I've had a few interesting conversations with a friend of mine, and we both agree that we felt more on top of it, more disciplined, more capable of making necessary changes in our lives and of modeling obedience to the Lord when we were in college than afterward. Almost inexplicably so. Like, College life, that was basically on lockdown, we had chosen solid churches, made time for God's word, were involved in ministry, and excelled at our school work, and always had time for a late night Wendy's run or a Saturday pickup game of Ultimate Frisbee.

I feel like there's a number of changes, disciplines, rhythms I would like to establish now, and it is very very difficult, even things I have been consistent at in the past. Why?

Hopefully I will find both the answer and victory this summer. So far, I am faring alright. better than 50%, but there is always so much work to be done on my life.

MJ

2009-06-27T14:23:00.000-07:00

So, the last 20 years of bizarre crap not withstanding, Michael Jackson did something very profound, more deliberately in his early 90's work with songs like Black or White, but even in his breakthrough in the 80's.

In the 1980s, MTV was NEW. the music video was NEW. And there were many bands in the 40's through 70's that wouldn't have been promoted if the music video had been around back then. Why? because they were non-whites. Racism doesn't work as well over the radio. Fitting that MTV's first music video was "Video Killed the Radio Star". For the first 2 years of it's programming, MTV didn't show a single non-white artist's music video. That was the biggest criticism they ever got, was basically as the most racist channel on cable TV.

In 1983, Thriller came out. Michael Jackson pressured MTV to put a black artist on their video rotation, and not just once in a while. The Thriller music video demanded heavy rotation. Michael Jackson was a civil rights face. He was the Jackie Robinson of Music Videos.

After Bad came out in 1987, it was all downhill, and I don't justify any of his issues or problems in the 22 years since then. Guy was a mess. but, he did something really important beyond having a bunch of hit singles.

sweet sweet idolatry

2009-06-14T19:25:00.001-07:00

So, I'm sitting here watching the NBA finals as the Lakers close in on yet ANOTHER championship. I hate the Lakers. I hate everything about them, except Jack Nicholson. He's a gentleman and a scholar.

But I think it's pretty interesting to note that since I was born, only been 8 teams have won this championship. Which is a time period closing in on 3 decades.

When i was a kid it was all Michael Jordan. Now it's all Kobe and Lebron. I think about all the time I've wasted memorizing sports facts, knowing players, sitting in front of the tube, or in the arena, watching sports recap shows, sports discussion shows, arguing about sports with friends, pretending to play sports via video games and listening to sports radio.

And then you hear people from other countries look at the west and they see the clearest form of idolatry available to fresh eyes. I think I've been spending too much time at the coliseum, and I think the I'm setting a goal this summer to detox from sports. Other than playing them myself with real people.

Boom.

...also, I love the Red Wings, but the Pens definitely earned the Stanley Cup this year. What a great series.

Must Check Out

2009-06-12T02:54:00.001-07:00

I highly highly recommend the band Explosions in the Sky, if you're a fan of epic instrumental music.

Love it.

All Aboard the Scholarship

2009-05-16T22:38:00.000-07:00

In the past six years I've probably heard about or studied about every fallacy and false claim regarding the bible and academia (going through bible college and then leading a college ministry), especially since most fraudulent views and beliefs are recycled from various 1st century heresies, and nothing is new under the sun. There's a number of people I have heard teach and preach and have drawn from to put together my worldview and understanding of the "big picture" of scripture, and how the bible itself "fits together". A popular and appropriate word for these people is scholars. I consider myself an aspiring scholar. Very transitional :)

But every once in a while, you read something in the Bible that is problematic, or requires exploration, and the scholarly beliefs are pretty unsatisfactory, or downright ridiculous. In my latest Old Testament class studying Job, I came across one such example that has little significance, but is still interesting to me.

In Job 40-41, God describes two of his greatest creatures: Behemoth and Leviathan. Now, don't get me wrong, this is a poem, so it's possible that these are overwhelming examples of hyperbole, but the "scholarly" tradition states that these creatures described correspond to a hippopotamus and an alligator. That sounds absolutely ridiculous to me.

Behemoth is described as eating grass. So far so good. It also describes his strength as being in his loins, or abdomen, and the muscles of his belly, and the manner in which he "bends his tail like a cedar." That is NOT a hippopotamus. Hippos have whispy little tails like eeyore, and their strength is in their jaws. Even if you were embellishing how mighty a hippo is, you'd talk about how fast it is, and how sharp it's teeth are, not it's tail.

The rest talks about how Behemoth is comfortable in just about any climate, again not a hippo. Hippos need water, and are intensly territorial around bodies of water. Sorry folks, I've been 10 feet from a Hippo in a game reserve, but I've never dreamed of a Behemoth. Sounds a bit like those creatures the orcs are riding in Return of the King in the big battle scene.

Leviathan is an even more impressive description, and couldn't possibly be an alligator, not for all the tea in china. It describes the Leviathan's skin as an "outer armor" of "double mail", and the seals which cannot be broken. It also describes it's breath as flashing fire and billowing smoky coals. Some writers envision an alligator spewing forth mist from underwater like a whale's blowhole and the poet interpreting that as smoke. It's a poem, so I guess you can read it that way, but it sounds to me exactly like Smogg from The Hobbit. You can kill an alligator with a hunting knife if she doesn't get you first, but the sword or spear does not avail against Leviathan.

I've never seen anything like what the bible describes, but it doesn't describe anything like what scholars claim, and it seems really weird that they stand by those interpretations. I don't think it's significant at all, but if I can get comfortable enough with Hebrew, I think this would make a fun topic for my ThM thesis in a few years, mostly because of it's lack of significance, and just the thought of writing my graduate thesis on "dragons in the bible". lol.

I can't freaking believe it's May already.

2009-05-16T01:19:00.000-07:00

Time is going by so fast. So I'm cooking, drinking energy drinks and contemplating not sleeping. I wish I had started tabulating in college how many 24+ periods I've gone sleepless. It's still one of my most favorite experiences of being. especially right at the 7 in the morning mark. It's like you're seeing the world in a totally different way.

All that to say, I'm feeling a little introspective...mathematically. The last two years has been a roller coaster by the numbers - from May '07 to May '09, I've (deep breath) completed 38 units of seminary, made a fool of myself to not less than (<) 3 girls, gone to Mexico 2wice to build houses, gone to LA 5 times, Spent 28 days in India, completed 1 week visits to New Orleans, Dallas, Little Rock, Akron, Chicago, San Francisco 2wice, lived in 3 different places with 7 different roommates, had 5 different jobs (2 at a time concurrently), applied for 3 different government programs, went to staff 4 summer camps (3 in a row spanning 24 days while living out of a single backpack), been to 9 state parks, 2 national parks, read 2 Jane Austin novels, sustained 1 injury, spent 9 months carless, cried 2 times, went to green festival 2wice, 3 days at bumbershoot, collected 13 tattoos, hiked above 12,000 feet for the second time in my life and been to 3 weddings, 1 funeral & skipped 5 weddings. I think I also had 4 cavities and consequently started flossing more. (all in no particular order).

My life is simply great, and I don't deserve any of it, and am enjoying all of it, even the tough stuff, which really isn't that tough by comparison to pretty much anyone. It's crazy to think about how long and yet how short and fast 2 years has been and can be. Thanks be to God and my prayer for the next two years of hopefully more consistency, and focused progress in seminary.

James 4:14.

A New Direction

2009-05-09T21:09:00.000-07:00

Well, I have decided a number of things in one day.

1) I'll be working at a church in Yakima this summer as a pastoral ministries intern. Essentially I will be taking on a number of responsibilities for the summer ministry of the church, and generally functioning as the head Pastor's right hand man. I think I will learn a lot, and there is a strong emphasis not only on service, but professional development. I'm stoked. I also stumbled across a new insight on my last post regarding me personally.

RE: Ink - Tattoos are personal. they are for the bearer, and no one else really. as such, they are something that you can't look into in a job interview, the same way you can't ask questions about a persons family, race, or hobbies. The textbook answer is "I don't let my personal life effect my performance at work." But in applying for this job at a church, I realize that a church is hiring you FOR your personal life. We look at the paid staff as a necesarry example of living the Christian life. I'm not saying this is always so, or that it should even be the expectation. People are sinners, and I'm not above any sin. But, it is the expectation. And so even if I wore long sleeves to work, the people of the church would still see me at some point, and know that I have tattoos. This might clash with their cultural viewpoint, but is that fair? In any other industry, I would say it isn't fair, or even legal. And the assumption in that last statement is something else I disagree with. The Church isn't or ought not to be an industry, but the way the american church is set up, it looks an awful lot like one. This is an impetous for a completely different post, but a mere side note at present.

2) I'm staying in Washington. I was pretty stoked about Dallas out of the gate after I went to visit. But I believe God has placed a lot of the deciding elements in my life in Tacoma already, and many of the less significant advantages of Dallas have fallen through. So I am excited to continue at Northwest, and begin the core of my M.Div in the fall quarter as a full time seminoid.

3) In addition, the choice of summer employment marks my departure from Crossroads Bible Church (My last Sunday will be June 7th) my home church for the past 10 years and 7 months. Though to be fair I wasn't attending for the 9 months/year during the 4 years of college, and I also missed an entire year while living in Africa, and wasn't attending for the first 3 months of this year, so...that's still almost 6 years of loving my church and thinking of it as my home. It feels like a very appropriate time to move on, and for a very good reason. I hope that I am able to maintain my many friendships with the people there.

On Ink

2009-05-07T12:06:00.000-07:00

Tattoos are one of the more provocative subjects in society these days. Shows like Miami Ink and MTV's Real Life have chronicled the lives of the artists, the tattooed and the regretful. I myself have partaken under the needle, and as a part of the journey I have come to grips with the many varied opinions of the masses regarding tattoos and tattoo culture.

Why get a tattoo? This is often the first question many people have with the presupposition that it is somehow unappealing or shallow. There are many reasons people have for getting a tattoo, but the underlying motive is always for the benefit to the person getting the tattoo. In a non-egotistical way, a persons tattoos are for that person, and if no one else sees them, or appreciates them, they are still worthwhile to the person wearing them. There is a beautiful metaphor in the tattoo process. When you get something tattooed, there's a physical and meta-physical way in which that thing represented in the tattoo becomes a part of you. And even tattoos without as much significance at conception become significant as they become part of your life. It's also a great ice breaker, and fun to talk about (definitely not the primary reason for getting a tattoo). People are curious about the stories behind tattoos, or find it common ground.

People often say that tattoos are addictive, and there are many reasons that this is so. A tattoo is relatively inexpensive compared to some addictions, it's beautiful artwork, it lasts forever, and it's usually intensely personal. After you get a tattoo, you experience one of two sensations: 1) A massive endorphin rush and the feeling of being the coolest person in the world. 2) A slowly mounting wave of regret combined with a make-do attitude. I've never experienced the latter, though I know people who have.

There are 3 main objections people have regarding tattoos. 1) They are old school (or maybe just old) and consider a tattoo a sign of rebellion. For them, only sailors, bikers and convicts get tattoos, and not their little girl or boy. Culturally this just isn't the case and hasn't been for most of the past two decades. 2) They are religious and genuinely believe their religious text forbids it. For more on this, check out ReligiousTattoos.net. Essentially, the only verses forbidding tattoo-ish sounding practices are found in Leviticus, which is ancient Israel's national constitution, and not legally binding for Christians. There are also a lot of other practices in Leviticus that no one upholds. For example, if you get mold in your shower, you have to replace your shower. That doesn't negate some of the principles found in it, but it does negate any type of strict 1 to 1 correspondence with levitical law and the practice of the Christian life. 3) They simply look at the practice as culturally absurd, and unwise. And depending on what you are going to do in your life, it is. I wouldn't reccomend getting tattoos on an area of your body that can't be concealed by professional atire. Certain jobs are out of the question if you have tattoos on the neck, hands, or even arms if you're required to wear short sleeves as part of your uniform (depending on the season, you might not be very comfortable in long sleeves). but even this trend, apart from military or civil service, is starting to change as tattoos become more and more common in our culture.

A fourth objection is often voiced by the potential bearer of a tattoo before they get it. If you think this about a tattoo you are considering, I would strongly advise against it. 4) Won't it eventually look like those military veteran's tattoos, all shriveled and green, or do I really want a big dark tattoo on my back when I'm wearing my wedding dress? Questioning the aesthetic of a tattoo is probably a bad omen for your reception of such a tattoo.

I usually respond that if that's how you think of tattoos, I don't think you should get one, because eventually you will find reason to regret having it, but in answer to the question: A) When you're as old as those veterans, you probably won't look that great, tattoos or not. The reason theirs have faded is because of UV exposure and lack of care. If you wear sunscreen, get your tattoo touched up every few years, and generally maintain it, it should still look great after 30+ years. Colors will fade more than black as well. B) If you don't think it looks great enough to show to other people, and that concerns you, maybe you should reexamine your reason for getting one in the first place. It's a non-issue for me since I'll have the option of wearing long sleeves should I ever get married, but if I did have an informal wedding, I would love wearing short sleeves, cause I think my tattoos are beautiful, and I like them a lot. They are 100% enhancement as far as aesthetic goes.

Update

2009-05-06T02:44:00.000-07:00

Okay, So with more free time then ever before, I still have had little motivation to start blogging, but I had an epiphany while sitting in class.

I have a list of subjects I want to blog/mini-essay about, and some good ideas for all of them, but I'm going to try to make it creativity^2 by Vlogging about things as well as Blogging, and to do that, I've decided to create some new "channels" for it

I've got a youtube channel, with a bunch of copyrighted stuff (mostly the music I choose for editing with) and so I started a new youtube channel where I'm going to endeavour to make it 100% original material.

And since I'm a Christian, I also started a tangle channel (tangle replaced Godtube)

So, coming attractions. Links once things are actually up, and I'll probably start posting these blogs to facebook in the vain hope of readership.

Despite being unemployed, I feel great and I'm really enjoying life, and I'll for sure be working this summer. yay. God is good all the time.

Plans Change

2009-01-04T23:45:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a while, and I would like to get into this bloggin thing again, but am too busy living.

I withdrew from the peace corps. LOOOONG story, hilarious, unexpected, spiritual and beautiful, but I am very happy with the decision. It's been kind of a tailspin.

What's next, who knows? Only the Lord

God is not silent

2008-11-29T20:17:00.000-08:00

God speaks. I think that is one thing I will never be able to deny. He speaks through the Bible, and through the Holy Spirit, and through the stars in the sky, and through the broken image in each one of us. It's SO amazing when you realize how near God is, especially in His Word.

I'm on my way

2008-10-13T07:59:00.001-07:00

Well, I need to restart this blog, and really get it goin' again, so I will be trying to blog more regularly. First, here's some big news for those that haven't heard or that I am not in regular contact with. I have been accepted to the U.S. Peace Corps, and am bound to go to Jamaica on March 17th, 2009 (So, no big St. Patty's celebration for me next year).

This is very exciting for many reasons:
1) I have dreamed about doing the peace corps since I was a sophomore in high school (about 10 years...crap) ever since my sister did it.
2) I feel very strongly that this is the direction that God wants me to go in for my life. I have no idea how He will use me while I'm there, especially as limited as my witness will be due to my being a government employee and all, but I am excited and confident in my calling thus far.
3) It's the first step in the big picture that I'm starting to formulate/be led in for my life. No plans mind you, just ideas so far. More on that later, but this will be an immensely valuable time both in the experience and the far-reaching impact it will have in my life and hopefully the lives of others.
4) It has been almost two years that I've been stuck in America, and I need to get out, so in a way, this is long overdue.
5) The very nature of the Peace Corps is helping people, and that's always exciting.

In the meantime, I'm doing a quarter of seminary, and working till the end of the year, and then I'll detail my plan/idea for the 11 weeks of the new year before I leave in another post.

On a final note, I've gotten so many comments both in person and on facebook, about my "new look" which is really the old look before I decided to look like John the Baptist, and it's been really encouraging and fun. You can see the pictures on facebook. Pretty hilarious, actually.

I'm old, but still pretty diverse

2008-05-27T01:35:00.000-07:00

Today I spent the first half of the day at folklife festival, and the second half at a Demon Hunter concert. It is the greatest contrast I have possibly ever subjected myself to in the course of a single day. At DH I felt so old , the kids and the culture. The metal seems a little too loud, and at the end of the night I was tired. I let out a big yawn during the encore. And the moshing these days is even more violent, it seems. Too intense for me. Now adays I am all about the experience of the live music. When you can FEEL the music in your bones, and KNOW it's beauty...There's redemption in that. And it's such a holistic experience, it blasts all 5 senses and can be experienced spiritually as well. I love music so much...I wish I could make it. Someday...

Art as Imagery

2008-04-22T21:04:00.000-07:00

Today on the bus I listened to "Tourniquet" by Evanescence and I am amazed that anyone who listened to it would ever think that the band was a "Christian Band".

The Opening

2008-03-23T13:46:00.000-07:00

Now is the shining fabric of our day
Torn open, flung apart, rent wide by love.
Never again the tight, enclosing sky,
The blue bowl or the star illumined tent.
We are laid open to infinity,
For Easter love has burst His tomb and ours.
Now nothing shelters us from God's desire,
Not flesh, not sky, not stars, not even sin.
Now glory waits so He can enter in.
Now does the dance begin.

~Elizabeth Rooney

#1 Seller

2008-03-05T16:01:00.000-08:00

"Because it's so scatterbrained, and has virtually no charts or maps, I am really quite surprised the Bible sells. Perhaps it's those lovely and colorful maps, which puzzles me because they aren't even current." ~ Don Miller

Luke 6:46

2007-11-09T03:09:00.000-08:00

Why do you call me Lord, Lord, when you do not do the things I say?

Still Burn

2007-11-01T23:20:00.000-07:00

So angry. At people. Just trying so hard not to say or do anything regrettable, or over the line. I used to get really mad at people all the time. I was just a burning ball of hate. You wouldn't know form the outside, but inside, I was just waiting to cuss out some moron, or wanting an excuse to come to blows...Instegating was my catharsis, but it never cleansed me of anything.

Why do I know and believe that but still feel like I just need to use harsher words and communicate sincere disdain for another person? I KNOW that it's no good, and you can't get love without giving it, but I am just so pissed off at an individual, and nothing seems like it would feel better than sinning against him in wrath right now. I narrowly averted a livid email from being sent from me to him that would have been very very unfortunate to send. It might have ruined our friendship. And it's over nothing of consequence. Things that I should be able to just ignore.

Why do I think that tearing down others is the way to build myself up? Or that somehow any assertion of myself is somehow valid and even necessary? Sin is so deceitful. I am so deceitful.

I'm glad the holy spirit tells me stuff, or else i would always forget how precious is God's grace, and his love for people is...

Draw me to good works, oh God, which you know already. That I might walk in true repentance and be the new man inside and out.

It's inside me

2007-10-26T07:53:00.000-07:00

"Individuals not only live within culture, but culture is lived by individuals."
- Eugene Nida, Customs & Cultures

This is so hard to see, because your eyes are focused on the idols and figures of your culture. But culture becomes a way of thinking, and it is so ingrained in us that it is often the hardest thing to reform. It is where strongholds take the deepest roots; in our culture, our habit of being and our most unquestioned beliefs.

The hardest struggle for me is to live counter-culturally, while avoiding living anti-culturally. Especially when you begin to be more and more anti-cultural, but you realize you are staring your culture in the eye every time you look in the mirror.

And fighting my own culture always leads to apathy...which is just another sign of my enculturation. I need the wisdom to live out my culture in an acceptable way, and to walk contrary to the errors of my heart. To walk away from the sinfulness of my culture without walking away from those who live out culture just as I do.

This isn't my phrase, but to change the world, you have to change the man in the mirror. I saw a promotion for a peace protest this week in Seattle, and I thought of Don Miller's idea, and I wanted to go down there with a sign that says "I am the problem". I am a slow learner, but I pray that I am truly learning how to walk through this world, and not around.

Anthropology of Pro Wrestling: Catharsis and Connection

2007-10-26T07:51:00.000-07:00

Ah, Professional Wrestling. Mindless entertainment. Human Nascar. Perennial sport of the South and Midwest. The Exquisite Ballet of Violence. Yes friends, even this absurdity of post modern life has a lesson that can be learned from it.

Professional Wrestling is an attraction. It's a show, a spectacle if you will. It leaves jaws dropped when Jeff Hardy jumps off of a 16-foot ladder, into a forward flip and lands back first on an opponent who is then smashed through the two upright stacked folding tables on which he was lying. It is one of the most remarkable things to watch normal men do.

Professional wrestling is maligned for it's over-the-top theatrics and the fact that it is performance-based, and not competition-based. Like any play, the ending is pre-determined. But that's okay, it's not a real sport. It's sports-entertainment; it's more like a play than a game.

The reason people are drawn to wrestling is because it is cathartic. Good and Evil (Face and Heal in wrestling Lingo) are clearly defined. In fact, one of the most respectable things a heal wrestler can do is show an ability to "draw heat", to make people boo him, hate him, despise him, but still desire to watch him perform. People love to have something they can all hate together, particularly when the object of their hate is guaranteed to be involved in a violent melee.
There is a catharsis that takes place in much of entertainment, we rejoice in seeing Justice done, in seeing evil punished. The same reason we cheer when William Wallace beats back the English in Braveheart is the reason wrestling fans cheer when John Cena slams a hated rival to the ground.

People come not only to hate the same things, but to try to love something in community as well. There is something that we participate in when we are in a mirthful community. And the crowd that comes to a wrestling show rejoices greatly in their heroes. There is a connection that we long to experience, and people attempt to find it in the Face (good) wrestler. He says things that we can value, and he fights the people we don't like, and when it seems that all hope is lost and he's about to lose the match, it's our energy, our chanting, our "spirit", that unites us with him as he "rises again" after it seems he has been defeated.

Maybe it's not that deep, and maybe it's just a bunch of low-class pseudo-violence. I'm certainly not suggesting there's anything spiritual about pro wrestling. But at it's very essence, people go to it because it offers something they truly want. Something which, though we might not find the format at all appealing, is nonetheless something you and I want. Triumph and Tragedy, Catharsis and Connection. And above all, the one thing people want most in life is a foundation of pro wrestling. The characters may be facades, the ending may be scripted. But there is a definite certainty about how it will all end; a hope, if you will, which does not disappoint.

(Just for reference, I was a big wrestling fan in my youth, even into high school, but, I'm not a wrestling fan anymore. I advise discernment for any one who is: while it can be quite entertaining, it is more lurid today compared to the days when I watched it.)

I like quotations

2007-10-26T00:53:00.000-07:00

"My memories are like coins in the devil's purse. You open it and find only dead leaves."
- Jean-Paul Sartre

Deepwater

2007-10-24T10:58:00.000-07:00

Cool is about the shallowest thing a person can devote themselves to. I am one of the shallowest people I know...

Regionless

2007-10-19T14:15:00.001-07:00

On tuesday, a guy who'd never been to New Orleans tried to tell me how it ought to be pronounced. I told him he was just saying it the way yankees say it.

It's weird being set on a place...I don't really have any vacation time, so I'm localized to Washington and the Seattle Metropolitan Area...I feel totally out of place...I want to be nomadic...a drifter...to wander the earth.

I don't even know why...just everytime I hear about anywhere, Colorado, Belize, Canada, New Zealand, Israel, Mongolia, Iceland, New Orleans, Southern California... (All of which I've discussed in the last week)

All I can hear is the voice inside saying "I've got to go...I have GOT to go!"

It's weird...because in africa I had an almost identical commitment, but going...was part of it...that was a fulfillment of going was being there, and not here, plus taking 5 weeks to travel around southern Africa.

It's SO hard to be a traveler in your own land...It's so easy to be comfortable in the place you became you...

well, g2g

Trust

2007-10-18T00:28:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if I should be more paranoid about believing what other people say. I feel like the hardest thing in the world to find is someone that will be deliberately honest. We throw half-truths and white lies and pseudo-compliments and emotional barriers, and who knows what else up as a smoke screen for how we really feel.

To quote one of my favorite poets, "When a man lies, he murders some part of the world. These are the pale deaths which men miscall their lives..."

Especially in relationships...I found a brutally honest person once...I treasure every word she says to me...

Things are out of control

2007-10-16T07:50:00.000-07:00

Seriously. The NFL is doing an amazing job of pointing out it's own flaws, and addressing them. I wish the other leagues were prepared to be as strict and as resourceful.

The public, on the other hand, doesn't seem to care about the right things.
Being a dog owner (with my parents) of course I reproach what Michael Vick is accused of doing, and is clearly involved in on some level. But PITA, and other organizations seem to want him to die. They are absolutely convinced that Michael Vick is "evil", based on what he did to a dog. And it's ALL about the publicity for them. Yes, they're idealistic, but, organizations like PITA wouldn't exist without public exposure and PR. So the sensational protests because of dogfighting are a little obnoxious.

The problem is the two p's: Perspective and Priority.

Pacman Jones, I realize is only "associated with" or "related" to his particular infractions that have led to his year suspension from the NFL, but, it's much much worse than killing any animal on earth. Jones almost killed a human. He had a member of his entourage open fire on a strip club, paralyzing one, injuring another and had the chance of killing 5 people.

Where are the anti-Pacman protests?

Where are the people who care about human life?

In the news, Pacman Jones just can't play football. He'll probably go back to where he played college ball, work out, finish his degree, enjoy his year off from football. He almost killed a man. He WANTED to kill a man. He wanted to kill several people, and tried very deliberately to do so.

Michael Vick on the other hand is going to jail for a while, and will endure many trials and horrors there. He'll come out a different person than he went in, and he'll probably never play in the NFL again, Because he may or may not have killed dogs.

I can't fault either man, because that would make me their judge, and neither is conclusively guilty according to our courts; objectively, the things they are accused of, are not even comparable, and Jones' alleged crimes are far far worse. Seriously, what world would put the life of a dog over the life of a man?

oh yeah; this one.

All I can do as I think about this is turn to God and pray, for the world, for the people I know that don't see any inconsistency in this situation. How far we are frmo God's perspective.

I can see clearly now

2007-10-13T01:40:00.000-07:00

When you watch movies a lot, stuntmen stop blending in...if you know what to look for.

Journey

2007-10-13T01:28:00.000-07:00

kayak.com is my dream escape.

just go to the web page, click multiple cities, and then plug in wherever you want to go...I've found 2 or 3 6-city stop tickets for less than $2000 each.

I know, what a horrible way to steward, and all that, but, I dream of dropping everything and leaving this place behind...jsut to wander the world, end up in places you've never heard of...I'm an epic romantic at heart.

Which is difficult to be in this time in history.

Everything is instant gratification in this culture, but I know if I just dropped all my commitments and flew to south america...that would be unwise.

Still, it's so tempting, just to journey into the unknown...I am purposely not watching the movie "Into the Wild" because I think it would romanticize my dreams even more.

But, my top destinations are (in no particular order) Iceland, Chile, Ireland, India, New Zealand, and the rest of the U.S. It's hard to be a traveler in your own land.

Wow

2007-10-12T01:33:00.000-07:00

Technology is amazing. Not only can I get gmail and facebook on my cell phone, but right now I'm using a computer to talk to one person in Malawi, and another person in Zambia. Yeah, it's unreal...I miss africa.

I have thought about it everyday since I've been back in some shape or another. It seems so close, and so far away all at once.

I miss the faces, and the smells. I miss the freedom, and the sense of journey.

I am going to sleep, but, I hope I dream of africa, even though I won't remember it.

If anyone is reading this, keep an eye out for some poetry coming soon....

'Who am I?'?...more like 'What am I?'

2007-10-11T07:48:00.000-07:00

I'm a ______. I've been searching all my life for a label that fit, actually. When I was in college I remember sitting in a hut on a moshav in Israel talking to a dear friend of mine, who is also the worst correspondent ever, and telling her that I was still trying to "find myself".

About 11 months later I realized what a crock that was. I can't really find something that is me...it's like looking all around the room trying to locate my eyeballs. When I was 16 I was so overwhelmed with hatred and self-loathing, anger and pity, that I turned to God, who I hated the very idea of. I knew that if I kept on living the way I was, I would not make it. And I felt drawn to what I saw in the lives of others, the life that is only possible through knowing Jesus. I wanted that life, that purpose, that forgiveness, and that grace, so, so much.

While my life changed dramatically, I realize every morning and every evening that I still have a LONG way to go. 2 years later I set off to college eager to find my "place", and my "title". Matt O'Brien, accountant; or Matt O'Brien, missionary. I like the sound of that. Dr. Matt O'Brien, missionary PhD. The Reverend O'Brien. Esquire.

The problem with all that, isn't the actual titles, or the positions they denote. The problem is I was still looking for my identity from how I fit into an earthly understanding of existence. I wanted to define myself by where I spent my day, or what I did to earn money. There's no identity in a title. My identity, who I am, is in Christ alone.

Cheesy sounding? Maybe, but the reality is when they nailed Christ's hands into the wood, and watched the life drain out of him, my sense of self; me, Matt O'Brien, died with him. My life isn't mine to label and define. The life I'm living now, is His. All of it. The time I take to write this is his, as well as the time I took to make the sandwich I just ate. He took my place up there because he wanted me somewhere else, here and now, doing whatever it is He has for me to do.

While particular tasks or a sense of calling may elude me, knowing Jesus personally has given me plenty of things I ought to be doing, and some of them I'm working on.

And that's who I am...Matt O'Brien, missionary, scholar, preacher, spiritual guy, chaplin, church builder? well all the titles I've had or might have are neat, but don't help to explain who I am...Matt O'Brien, Christian...that sounds a whole lot more accurate...And we lost what that means.

People hear me say I'm a Christian and they think I am the web designer for godhatesfags.com, Or that I voted for President Bush, and really meant it. Or that I am one of the few people in the world that would have the audacity to think that I am right, and someone else might be wrong about something that can never be empirically proven true or false.

What a lot of my friends have done is stopped using that word. But when a word is used for such a long time (1900+ years) and then it becomes unpopular really fast, almost everyone forgets what it means.

Christian is an english transliteration of a similar greek word. It's structure connotes a partner, or partisan of Christ. It was coined by unbelievers in Antioch, and they being the witty devils that they were, were actually making a parody of a similar word, which would be translated "followers of Caeser". The thing about that word is it was used to identify any Roman citizen, whether they were actually greek, turkish, palestinian, moroccan, spanish, or celt. They were a "Caeserite". They "Belonged" to Caeser.

That's the commentary the Syrians in Antioch were making about the Christians. While Romans belonged to Caeser, Christians belonged to Christ. They were Christ's possession.

I don't think they were mocking them, either. It may in fact be an observation of their dedication to their Saviour.

And they weren't that far off, either. Paul, who was serving in Antioch for a long time, picks up the same idea in 1 Corinthians 7.

"22 If a man was a slave when the Lord called him, he is the Lord’s free man. So also if a man was free when he was called, he is Christ’s slave. 23 You were bought for a price; Do not become slaves of men! 24 So, Christian brothers, everyone should go on living as he was when God called him. But now he lives with God."

Here, the Corinthians have been struggling with their own identity on the level of social class. But Paul reminds them of what God did to make them His own. They ought to bear God's brand marks. Don't give in to the customs and manners of men, don't enslave yourself to their system. You don't have to reject your culture, but realize that who you are is no longer defined by that culture, or status. Because now you live with God. He defines you. Your relationship to him defines you, because He made you His.

So call yourself whatever you want...I should probably communicate better, as well. Christ-follower, Jesus Follower, In love with Christ, Jesus Worshiper. But don't forget that whatever you call yourself as a believer, you ARE a Christian.

2007-10-10T21:34:00.001-07:00

Here I am to save the day...

Things...

2007-02-08T14:35:00.000-08:00

...are crazy.

Well, things have been kind of strange since I've been back which has almost been 3 weeks. I still haven't found a job, but mostly for lack of trying. I did apply to seminary at Northwest Baptist (www.nbs.edu) for the spring quarter, so that's exciting, I should hear back from them soon, and register, I found a place to stay in Tacoma (about 45 minutes from my house) for the quarter, so I won't have to commute, and I have almost secured a temporary vehicle...now I just need a job...sort of going in reverse order here.

So I was all set to start jobhunting, and then I watched the superbowl, and then I got sick...so, I'm a slowstarter.

Most of all, I miss africa. SO MUCH. I can't even describe it...I think I would be really depressed right now if I wasn't born again...everything I could probably want was over there...I almost feel like it's everywhere, but here.

I am awaiting more information, but there's a possibility I'll be going to India in September or so...yes!

Okay, not sure who's reading this, but enjoy!

BTW:

I started throwing videos I've made onto youtube.com

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=mattyobrien1

eventually (ie once I've made them), the videos about my time in africa will appear there, so check out my "channel" and "subscribe". Or whatever.

Last post from Africa

2007-01-16T16:47:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all, this has been an interesting week. Spending my last few days hanging out with the kids at Lambano, and making sure everything is ready for work, or atleast on order for the worksite.

We've had an amazing and glorious electrical storm every night for the past week. The downer is that lightning struck the church office, and fried the computer, the printer, and the internet connection. I'm trying to get it working again. In the meantime, I'm at an internet cafe.

I have far too many thoughts about my time here as it closes, but hopefully over the next month, once I'm home, I'll be able to share some things I've learned from a year in Africa.

And I have about 2000 pictures I'll search and post the best of.

In Any case, I fly home in 2 days, Thursday, January 18th, and I'll be in Seattle on the afternoon of the 19th, Lord Willing. So, for those of you in the Seattle Area, you'll probably see me, if not at church, then somewhere...probably Half-Price Books.

This will still be my blog as I embark on the next chapter of life (hopefully going to seminary) so, feel free to tune in, and read my ramblings.

I'm gonna miss this place a ton...but I think I'm ready to go back to America. For a little while, atleast.

2007-01-06T16:49:00.000-08:00

Hey y'all, things here are going swimmingly.

Lambano is getting over the chicken pox, and they've got some new girls working there, financially they're doing better, and they got a new Combi (VW Van) a while back, so that's great.

The Church is officially done (Pictures coming next week) And we've started construction on the AIDS Hospice. This is very exciting. I also realized that since I'm always behind the camera, I don't have any pictures of me actually working...but seriously, I actually do stuff. I labor on the site, and get to lay bricks, organize and fetch materials, and do a fair job of "managing" the worksite, basically trying to get everything we need for success. It's very challenging, with no background in construction. But I've caught on a lot in the last year, and things are going really smoothly. It's also a huge blessing to team up with Conrad.

I had my final holiday adventure a couple weeks ago: I went to Lesotho, and backpacked for a few days, and then hosteled in a couple places and just went wandering around a few different places. It was a little scary at times, I got lost a bit, and just felt more vulnerable than normal with everything I needed to survive strapped to my back, and encountering strange shepherds who didn't speak english but carried large hickory sticks. But I love hiking, and this is the best place I've done it, so far.

Majestik Maletsunyane Falls.

Here's me repelling over the falls (205 M/670 Ft)

It looks like I'm having fun. It was gorgeous.

This is Lesotho, a country entirely surrounded by South Africa. It's known as the Kingdom in the Sky, or the Friendly Mountain Kingdom. Imagine a land made out of mountains, but with 1) No marked trails 2) No Conservation Areas 3) No Fences
It's so wonderfully free, you can just wander through valleys, over mountains, through farms and villages.

I was backpacking for 4 days, and every turn revealed another beautiful landscape.

It's rugged and amazing.
One of the most beautiful countries on earth, and a hiker or rock climbers dream.

Oh look, God will never flood the earth again.

Geared up and ready to wander.
I couldn't find anyone to travel with, so when your alone, you don't get the best pictures of yourself

The Sebayeng. Simply Stunning.

And that's about it. I'm homeward bound in 13 days...crazy. Thanks again for your prayers, and I'll see some of you soon, others...who knows. I pray God blesses this new year. And Stay Tuned, cause I'm not done yet: More to come.

WOW

2006-12-21T16:51:00.000-08:00

Well, this is crazy. It's about 30 degrees Celcius during the day here, and there are scattered lightning and thunder storms. This isn't typical Christmas weather, and I am actually in disbelief that Christmas is 4 days away.

Fortunately, I did all my Christmas shopping before the holiday season, which is pretty mad here too.

The other "difference" from typical Christmas, is that it's a holiday, so everyone goes on vacation. There's family gatherings, sure, but a LOT of people go to the coast and lie on the beach for Christmas. Jo'Burg kinda shuts down, especially anything in Industry. We bought all our bricks, cement, and sand 3 weeks ago, cause, we couldn't get any now, or anytime before January 15th. It's bizarre.

I'm off on another adventure for the holidays, hopefully I'll get some good pictures. In any case, pray for this Christmas season, that people would Stop and Think. About why they're here, and what Christmas means, or used to mean atleast. Christmas is also a boom time for crime in these parts, so pray for God's grace in that. Thanks everyone who reads this.

2006: It's been an incredible year for me, and God has grown me in really good ways, stretched me out, and taught me a lot of hard lessons, mostly about my own stubborn heart. I'm so glad I could come to africa. My last month will be somewhat bitter sweet. To paraphrase a friend, "How do you leave home to go...home?" I'm not sure, but that's what I'll be doing on January 18th. I won't be able to update again till the new year, I'm gonna be out backpacking in Lesotho, but I should update once or twice more before returning to Seattle. January 19th, I'll be in the Emerald City.

Also, in case you access this blog through www.mattinafrica.com, I think my domain subscription is going to run out, so put www.xanga.com/matty_obrien in your favorites. Cause the mattinafrica address won't work after Jan. 10th or so. I think. ...but I still love technology...

And now, some cool pictures:

Quad biking in Namibia

At the train station.

Beauty, eh?

Walking with the Giraffes.

This is kinda random. In Africa, no less.

I'm bad at this...

2006-12-18T16:52:00.000-08:00

online updates, and keeping in touch. It's not my style.

So, Justin Key, (pictured below) a friend from back home, and often a partner in crime, came to visit me for 3 weeks, and we went on two trips.

1) a 10 day trip through Namibia. This country is very hard to get around, it's a massive desert, and everything is spread out, and most of the roads are unpaved. But it's beautiful. We rented a car and drove out to the Dune Sea.

2) We also went to Malawi for 5 days, and visited Kwacha and Kondi, our Malawian missionaries. We went to one of the villages and played soccer with the kids there.

We ate mostly backpacker type food.

It was a lot of fun. Justin left on the 6th, and in the past 10 days, I have just been working as usual. Trying to get lots of things done, and I was also able to preach last night at church, so that was a real treat. For me atleast.

We had a christmas concert last week with the Lambano kids and I got to help with that. I'll have a video of it to show then I return to the states, so, anyone that wants a DVD, just email me.

The cutest thing ever,

You know what time it is...

2006-11-13T16:57:00.000-08:00

Update time.

Here's the skinny on life in Africa. Things are going great. The church building has become the main focus of my work, as I've purchased everything we need to complete. Conrad (Canadian), Nafe and Jeverson (Malawians) and Myself (American) have been working on the walls, just grinding it out. About 400 some bricks are laid per day atleast. We are scheduled to finish the walls before december, and then the whole church should be ready in time for an amazing Christmas Eve Service Spectacular.

Now THIS is africa...sweet land that it is.

I've also worked with Conrad to figure out everything we need, and how much it will cost to build the AIDS Hospice which is located next to the church. It will serve the community, and offer both hospice and food distribution services, as well as a clinic for treatment.

Nafe (left) and Jeverson, clowning around on the worksite.

As far as contributions go, I think financially I'm set to finish out my time here. That means that if anyone out there is looking to give financially and support the ministry here, there are two options. 1) Give to Lambano Children homes. 2) Contribute to the building fund for the Hospice. Both are wonderful ways you can help contribute to the lives of those who are afflicted by the HIV epidemic here in Africa. We also need continued prayer for these ministries, particularly as we begin construction on the Hospice in January, because...it's a beast.

The outside walls are done! On to the inside (It's a double wall)

The Lambano kids are doing great. They are currently planning a Christmas concert (nothing like 18 shrill 4-6 year olds singing christmas carols) for December 9th. Our two biggest trouble makers, Mandla and Sia, are responding well to discipline. Our new teacher, Jen is also learning a great deal. Her previous post was teaching 5th graders, so it's a bit of a challenge for her. Please continue to pray for the kids, that their hearts will grow sensetive to the Lord Jesus, and that a cure for AIDS, and progressive treatments will continue to be developed.

Teacher Jen hangs out with the babies.

This will actually be my last update for a while, as I'm leaving in 2 days for an 18 day Safari through Namibia, Zambia, and Malawi. In Malawi I'll be meeting with missionaries from our church here, so that should be fantastic.

The last team from the States, ERC Paramount, left September 17th. Things have been a little lonely and the work a little harder without teams to serve.

Please continue to pray for me as I serve our church and it's many dynamic ministries. I feel like I have learned so many lessons already. When I return from my trip, I'll only have 6 weeks left here. Time is flying. There are no more teams scheduled until February, after I leave. I've been preaching at the Zulu church somewhat frequently, and atleast once a month since I got here, and it's been very encouraging to see the body there grow and mature.

I look like Jim Morrison...when he had a beard.

I think that's all. As Always, any questions, email me; don't stop praying. Prayer impacts lives.

A rock somewhere in Africa. Beauty, eh?

Update with PIctures

2006-09-28T16:59:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone, who reads this.

Well, the Biedebachs are america-bound in 6 days time, and things here are a little stressed trying to get everything ready. Last night my bible-study came to the house and we did a bunch of stuff to help prepare them to leave. Our associate pastor is housesitting for them, and they're packing up a lot of stuff in anticipation of their possible move to Malawi next August.

Here's an update on the work that I'm doing in the meantime and even after they leave

On the worksite, as I said, we accomplished a lot last month when the team was here. Among other things they poured the floor of the church, laid the sewage line and a new manhole for Vuyo's house and the Hospice. They Ran electrical for Vuyo's house, and they put in Vuyo's ceiling. It was incredible, because they only had 8 work days at the site. Here's some pictures so you can see what I mean.

Here's the last piece of floor to be poured, The Baptismal. You can see the slope there, and a pipe that takes the water out.

Here's Conrad on his first day of actually laying bricks, set up and ready to go.

Building a manhole. Someone's got to do it. By the way, some of the team were skilled tradesmen, but some were just enthusiastic volunteers. Conrad actually taught these guys how to lay bricks, and this was their project. It's amazing how God brings people who are so willing and desiring to help and serve.

Here we see the walls as of yesterday. Doors and Windows (18 windows total on the whole building) etc.

This is Conrad, our bricklayer. Enjoying a bit of afternoon action cricket on Heritage Day.

Here I am explaining ultimate frisbee to people. I like Ultimate Frisbee a lot, and this is my first time playing in over a year. It did my heart good.

Sia just turned 7 last month.

Lambano Homes are still hanging in there. As I said in the last post, they are getting by month to month. Please consider supporting them. For more information, go to www.lambano.org.za

One thing that a few churches have started is a sponsorship program (similar to worldvision) where one can present the kids and the stories, and the needs to the congregation and then members of the congregation can sponsor individual kids and individual needs. If you'd like to start something like that in your church, PLEASE CONTACT ME, or Kerry Drew (info@lambano.org.za) Arkansas, I'm looking in your direction...

That's all for now. I'm going to get back to work. Less than 4 months left here...I'm starting 2 tear up.

Ciao.

2006-09-20T17:01:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all

I have been busy. That's an understatement. I will fetch new photos of the worksite soon. The team from Paramount destroyed the work, and so the church walls are going up, and the sewage line is almost in. Hooray.

It's been a while since I posted some pictures, so here you go.

Here are the 5 Biedebachs, Brian's the pastor, my boss, and his wife, Anita
the baby, Bradley, and the little girl, Ami, and of course, little expecting.

Here's a nice picture of my desk. It's usually more cluttered.

Mmm...nothing says South Africa like Fried Chicken flavored potato chips.

Things are back to a relative norm. I need to get some update letters and some emails out in the next few days. In the meantime, I'm teaching bible study tonight, and preaching at Vuyo's in 2 Sundays.

The last of the teams have come and gone, so now it's up to me and Conrad to finish the church building.

Continue to pray for Lambano homes, they are living month to month right now.

Ciao for now!

August Updates

2006-08-30T17:08:00.000-07:00

Friday, August 25, 2006

Upcoming events and such

Hey Y'all,

This sunday I'm preaching at Zulu Church, Thulani will be translating for me, I'm preaching on Philippians 2:1-4. This is a very humbling passage for me, cause I am always getting caught up in self-seeking, and not preferring others...the practice of humility is one that my flesh is constantly putting off...So, prayers are appreciated.

It makes a world of difference having Conrad here working every day. It would have taken me 2 weeks (2 weeks that I don't have, even) to do what he's done in 4 days. I hope I can drop some of my more menial tasks and start working alongside him, cause I think I will learn a ton.

The team is coming in 9 days, and we need to pass an inspection that we haven't even scheduled yet, or the team won't be able to do any work. We also need to open the new gate, or there will also be no work...Pray for the team, preparations, adjustments, and a servants attitude that could only come from knowing Christ.

The weather in South Africa is crazy. I remember the expression I learned in Kazakhstan. The people there told me that "The weather in Kazakhstan is like a woman. It can never make up it's mind" It's not dissimilar here. Fortunately our focus now is on a section that is covered, so we are one of the only groups that can work when it rains.

I have less than 5 months left here in SA. I'm not counting down at all, I love it here. I am hoping to go visit Kwacha and Kondi (Our Malawian Missionaries) and then do some exploring farther north once I'm in Malawi. Probably in October.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Updates

Hello.

South Africa is cruising along.

a quick update on my last two entries,

1) Dick is getting along very well. He was released from the hospital after just 2 days, and was back to work at the end of the week. He's well, and was able to share on Sunday about all the ways God gave him grace in the situation.

2) Lambano is still in dire financial straits. We need R60,000 (almost 10,000 $) in the next 2 weeks to make ends meet.

Currently there is a team here visiting Lambano, doing crafts and stuff with the kids. Also, on Wednesday they are finally moving into their 4th house, so, God is blessing us richly, though, He always leaves room for us to depend on Him more. You can't depend on God too much.

Other than that, we've also got a New Addition to the Intern Team. Conrad Tycholaz (picture coming soon) is a Bricklayer from Alberta Canada and he and his wife Jennifer are here for a year to work, he on the building site, and she as a teacher at Lambano. It's good to have an experienced builder to work with. Pray for them as they adjust significantly culturally and personally, being newlyweds as well.

Work consists of getting everything ready for another big team in September, and working with the current team. I love my job.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Tragedy Strikes

Hello Everyone, Something terrible happened yesterday evening. On the way home from church, one of our Elders, Dick Kelder, who is also Pastor Brian's father-in-law, interrupted a hold up at his house, and was shot in the leg and hand, and bludgeoned in the eye, when the criminals attempted to hijack his car. He was rushed to the hospital, where he was stabilized, and is currently under observation.

The Bullet went clean through, and apparently his leg will be fine, but he will need surgery on his hand.

The Amazing thing, and it's easy to forget to be amazed by God sometimes, is Dick's spiritual state. When we visited him last night, he was totally at peace, and not just because of the painkillers, but he was trusting in God. It's easy to be angry, upset, depressed, etc. after such an incident. But Dick is under the influence of the Holy Spirit...as we prayed with him, he prayed for the salvation of his attackers, and we are all trusting God a lot, right now, which is probably what He wants us to do all the time.

Pray especially for Anita, Pastor Brian's wife, and Dick's daughter. After her hijacking in April, she was really shaken up, and now well, you can imagine the trauma. Also, Dick's wife Marlene, recently had heart surgery, so pray for her as well, just that she would have the same peace, and respond in a godly way to this trial.

Thanks everyone.

The other thing that it made me think about, is how it changes your perspective when it hits "close to home" as it were. Stuff like this happens every week if not every day in Jo'burg...but, somehow, it's different reading about it in the paper, than it is waiting in the hospital waiting room at 11:30 PM...I'm not sure what i should pray for, but that God would change the hearts of all those involved, and that he would bring them to see His glory, and His supremacy over all the earth. Pray for further trust in Him...the only one we can trust.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Quick Note for Prayer

Hey Y'all, Lambano Children's Homes needs help, so everyone pray.

1) in the midst of expansion they are struggling financially, each month has been pretty close to broke, so pray for that.

2) The Grey Combi Van was stolen a week ago, pray that it would somehow be recovered.

3) As always, the salvation of the children and a cure for AIDS is the heart of Lambano's prayers, so pray with us for that.

Peace!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

It's a dirty job...

Well, today I got an unexpected surprise.

This morning I did some office type work, and then after lunch I went to Beth Mack's place (She's in charge of women's ministry at church) to take a whole lot of stuff to the Dump. By the way, the dump is an experience in itself...it's not like the dump in the States, where there's the compacting area and a nice concrete structure you can line your truck up on...your driving on top of and through old garbage, and then throwing it all from your truck into a pile that they then move around with a Bull Dozer. And there are seagulls everywhere. And we're not even by the sea. I always think of those seagulls in Finding Nemo, that say "mine".

But that's not the point of this entry. Joseph, the groundskeeper at Lambano, and I took a bunch of Beth's stuff to the dump. There was also a bunch of stuff that Joseph wanted to keep. Picture frames, and an old sink he can fix up. There was also a good stock of firewood. So we loaded it up and went to Josephs shack in the squatter camp. This is my first time going into a squatter camp...it's weird...

It's actually not as dirty or smelly as it seems from the outside. There's little shops all over the place, and Joseph lives in a little shack. Some of them have gardens with corn stocks, and who knows what else growing there. I didn't have my camera, so, no pictures...but I was able to help Joseph get all that stuff to his place.

You know what wasn't there? A bunch of guys waiting to beat me up. There were a couple of guys who were so drunk they couldn't walk straight. At like, 4 in the afternoon. Anyways, if you wanna get a visual, watch the movie Tsotsi. It's about townships and violent crime. It's pretty intense, but it gives you a perspective of what it's like in the camps.

Please pray for Joseph, cause he works around christians, and has attended our church before, but is not a christian.

Also, I've been preaching through Philippians at the Zulu Church (with an interpreter, obviously), so I will try to share some thoughts about what I have been learning in that.

A day off

2006-07-22T17:11:00.000-07:00

So last week I took Saturday off and went to Gold reef City with friends. It's almost identical to Knott's Berry Farm in Anaheim. With fewer roller coasters. And it has a Gold Mining Theme.

So here we are.

Here's Amanda (A volunteer at Lambano) and I strapped into the Anaconda...it was the most ferocious of the rides there. I heard that this is a really offensive gesture in the UK.

No, that's no statue, it's a breakdancing robot street performer.

One of the performances was Zulu tribal dance and drums.

This was more tribal dancing, but it looks like The Village People.

At the end of the day we went for a thrilling ride to the top of the Ferris Wheel

Majestic Jo'burg.

Anywho, the next day I got terribly sick, so, all I can really tell you about Gold Reef City is...

DON'T ORDER THE BLITZ BURGER.

I'm better now but this past week was not very productive.

Also, on a more serious note, it's hard to miss what's going on in Lebanon. Please, if you aren't already, be praying for peace in the middle east.

2006-07-12T17:10:00.000-07:00

While Brian is in America taking classes for his doctorate, things are going smoothly around here. Back to the old routine, getting everything ready for the next team in September, playing with the kids, and doing my miscelaneous "intern" jobs.

Here's what the worksite looks like now. I need to get some pics from Kerry that show the Grace team working on it, but, you can clearly see the church building starting to form.

The Steel structure, roof, foundations, and walls are mostly in place. We'll wall up to ground level, and then fill it all in with...fill...and then in September we'll pour the floor slab.

This is where the floor ends and the stage will start. There will also be a baptismal.

This is Elvis, our bricklayer. Elvis is in the building! He's also Pastor Vuyo's dad.

Here's an arial shot of the whole worksite. I'll make an artist rendering so you can see what it will look like when it's finished...sort of. I don't have Photoshop, so I'll make do with Paint.

Well, Back to work!

Seriously

2006-07-07T17:19:00.000-07:00

Ok. So we just had two consecutive teams and I am tired. But the last couple days have been good recovery time. My job when the teams are here is to basically be there for them, make sure they know what they are doing, and make sure they have everything they need to do what they are doing, and then also make sure they don't die. So, it's a 24/7 thing.

Our first team was from Grace Comm, and they were awesome. They worked on the worksite. Here are some old pictures. I'm going there tomorrow to take some new pictures.

Here's the base of our soon to be AIDS Hospice

Here's the shipping container where the church currently meets.

Here's the location where new church building is going. more on that later. Cause, we actually started the church building and it looks really great...pictures...on monday.

This is Willie. He owns the machinery shop next door, is a member of our church, and is amazingly helpful. He is a blessing to the worksite.

So, I need to get some pictures from Kerry of the work team, but, in the meantime, our second team was from Arkansas, and here's some pictures of them doing kids club.

Yes, this is bible club right in the middle of a construction site filled with rusty machinery. Every mothers nightmare. Amazingly, by God's grace, not a single kid was hurt.

Here's Vuyo helping to translate. He's the pastor of Mercy Bible Church, our zulu-speaking church-plant.

Vuyo and the crew. Lance "Lancer" Quinn, David Todd "DT" Murray and Michael "Freeze" Friessen. Booyah.

Here's me, scoring a goal against The local kids in our afternoon soccer games. I don't even know how to play soccer.

Here's Douglas Allison dribbling up field. He's amazing. He actually knows how to play soccer. His parents are Scotsmen.

So that was it. They also put on a church camp, but I'm waiting for the pictures from that.

All in all, teams are quite fun, and I think a part of my heart goes with them when they leave. I miss these guys already, but for now, I'll have to crack down on what I have to do here. Like get pictures for everyone. And fix Brian's computer.

I have been here for 24 weeks. That's not even halfway on my scheduled time here. That's amazing...Time here flies by, but, at the same time, it seems like it's been a long time. Like the team from arkansas seems like they were here a year ago, but, really it's been like...3 days. I do love being here, though, so I hope it takes forever to finish this year. Cheers, everyone. Now that I have more time I will update more. So come on back, y'all.

~Matty O

2006-06-20T17:21:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone.

The Team from Grace Community Church in Sun Valley (Home of John MacArthur and the Master's Seminary) has just left last night and are on their way back to California. It was a true joy to host them, and they got a lot done. Our big project was laying foundations for the walls of the church building at the Vuyo's. They're done! So, now we start hiring bricklayers to make walls. And the steel structure and roof are complete as well, (African style, the roof goes up before the foundation) So, things are very exciting and progressive. They also spent time with Lambano Children, burned a lot of things to clear our the area where a new driveway will go, and finished a sewage trench. We are also now 1 step away from creating a new gate, as the new building is directly in front of the old gate. I NEED to show you all pictures so you know what I'm talking about. That will be my next mission

The next team arrives in 2 days, but unlike the grace team, they are doing all childrens ministry and church ministry, no construction. Which makes it easier on me, a little bit.

I am learning a tremendous amount of humility, as I stumble through the new areas of my job. God is using me I hope, but sometimes it just seems like he is showing me exactly what I need, and that is the true necessity for absolute dependence on Him. Keep praying, and I'll put up pictures next time...promise.

* * *

Well good news: I've got a visa to stay the rest of the year, so, that's a relief.

They finally started the church building, and the team from Grace Community Church is coming in June, so, they will hopefully be able to do some work on it. Among other things.

That's the big news, June is going to be a crazy month full of teams and work.

Last week we had the Shepherds Conference here in South Africa, featuring Dr. Wayne Mack, Dr. Bill Barrack, and Pastor Bruce Blakey. It was a lot of work, I was doing sound stuff and helping in the kitchen, and I was also the runner for delivering and removing all the tables, chairs, equipment, dishes, and anything else you need to serve 250 people lunch and tea. It was a brilliant success, though, it was very powerful and I'm sure it will bear fruit in the congregations of all the men who attended.

* * *

Hey there, I'll send this out in an e-mail, so it comes right to everyone's cyber-doorstep, but I wanted to put it here.

Well, of all the things I have been doing, and asking everyone out there to pray about, here's a brief list off the top of my head:

-That I would adjust to things in South Africa
-That I would learn and be stretched, and have challenges that would help me to grow
-That I would get a new Visa
-That the work here I do would be of good service, and that I would be a blessing to those I work for
-That our work to build a new church building would be honored, and that it would go will

See, The reason for the list, is that I have experienced tremendous strength and help from God in all of those issues, and it has been literally an AMAZING experience here. Now, the thing that makes it so wonderful is YOUR PRAYERS. It's clear in scripture that God is moved by prayer and has made use of that in his sovereign plan. So, I'm not sure how I can really show my gratitude, for all your prayers.

All I can really say is thank you SO much, and please don't stop.

As I told a friend this week, your prayers literally impact every day that I am here.

We are breaking ground on the church on tuesday, Lord Willing.

I need to put up pictures of the work site, so you know what I'm talking about.

More to come
~M

2006-05-05T17:24:00.000-07:00

Well, after a couple hour wait in Home affairs, they accepted my visa application. Now they process it for a couple weeks, and then if everything is okay, I get a new Visa. So this is a major victory to my staying in Africa, but obviously it's not engraved in stone yet.

Yeah, please continue to pray for this thing, just that God's will be done, and that I have the humility to accept it either way. On a personal note, I want to stay in Africa, cause I really like it here.

The other major need for prayer is that we are preparing all of May for the teams in June and July, there's a lot to be done, and a lot of it depends on a lot of things. So, pray for diligence and grace.

Here's some more pictures

This is the Cape of Good Hope. on the left is the Indian Ocean, on the right is the Atlantic

That is SO true. And they just hang out in the middle of the road. Baboons...

2006-05-03T17:25:00.000-07:00

alright

first prayer requests:

-Tomorrow I am going in to renew my visa. I might get one more chance, but, this is pretty big, so please be praying.

-WORK there's a lot to prepare for for the teams coming in June and July, so that gives us about 4 weeks to do EVERYTHING. Pray for diligence and the right attitude

second Praises

God is so good. I preached on Sunday, and there was a lot that God did to give me grace in doing that. Today, I almost got hit by a Semi, but I was spared. Traffic here is pretty bad. On monday I was thinking, and it's jsut really incredible that I'm here. I mean, looking back, it's all God, 100% from the day I heard about it till now.Praise his name for that.

third

update and pictures.

Well, Kruger (Kruger National Park is a Wilderness preserve where animals live in true wild. The zebras eat the grass, the lions eat the zebras etc) was amazing, we saw Rhinos, Giraffe, Lions, Hippos, Vultures, Owls, Buffalo, Elephants, Crocodiles, Kudu, Impala, Wildebeasts (yeah, we almost got charged by a young elephant when we stopped between it and it's mother) but we didn't see the Leopard. The most elusive creature in the wild. We slept out under the stars everynight, and yeah, it was a great camping trip.

From there we went to Giant's castle, a nature preserve of immeasurable beauty. If you come to SA, you gotta check out Giants Castle. Pictures coming soon.

And now I'm back, and strapping myself back into work mode. Some things to pray for

-Please continue to pray for my visa situation. It's just a waiting game, and everytime a new piece of paperwork comes in, I head back to Home Affairs, so please pray for patience, and that the Office will process it the next time I go in.

-Please Pray for Mercy Bible Church, our church plant that I am working closely with. We are still in process of starting a church building, so please pray for the process of contracting all the labor, and the donation of funds. This Sunday I will be preaching their for the second time. Pray that the people will be built up.

-In June, summer teams come to begin work on the work site, and there is MUCH preparation required. Pray that I will be diligent, and have things set for them, and that their time will be profitable and enjoyable.

That's all for now, I will put up pictures on Friday. Or thereabouts. Just Now.

A Family of baboons. They are cute as babis, but pretty gross when they grow up. And they are very mischievious as well.

An elephant. We almost got charged by a young one of these.

Here's me at Mclaren's Beacon, the highest peak of Table Mountain

These are mopane worms. We ATE them. mmm...
They don't taste like chicken.

April Updates

2006-04-25T17:29:00.000-07:00

April 18, 2006

Hey Everybody. It's been 13 weeks here in South Africa, and I took my first break. A friend came to town to visit and we went on a road trip through the great desert to Capetown, home of beach bums and beautiful mountains.

We climbed Table mountain, the prime attraction in the city. We also visited Robben Island (Where Mandela was imprisoned with other political prisoners) and it is much like Alcatraz in principle.We also went to Cape Point where you can observe the Atlantic Ocean on one side and the Indian Ocean on the other. We then went home via the Garden route, one of the most beautiful scenic drives in all Africa. during the trip we met many cool people and had some very interesting conversations. Capetown and the coast area is a wonderful place, and I was amazed.

This week, some light work and then off to Kruger Game Park to see Rhinos, Elephants, and possibly, the elusive Leopard

All things considered, I am loving Africa. Please continue to pray for the church here that it would continue to build up the Saints and evangelize the lost. It's amazing and humbling to think that I'm even here...oh that God would use me more. Please pray that he will continue to work in me to show His love to those around me.

April 6, 2006

So the past 7 days have been a bit intense. Exactly 1 week ago, my Pastor, Brian, interrupted 2 guys attempting to hijack his wife, Anita, in the driveway. They were armed with a 9mm pistol, and threatened to shoot their kids (who were in the back seat of the car) if she didn't comply. They got all her jewelry including her wedding ring, and the keys to the car and house, but ran off without getting the car.

Praise the Lord that no one was harmed. Please pray for the crime here in Jo'burg. It's easy to look down on those who turn to crime, but they are no different than you or me. They need the Lord, and a new heart.

So the rest of Thursday, and all of Friday, we reset all the alarms and got the car re-keyes. The reason it took 2 days is because we had to reset all the codes and remote keys for not only Brian's house, but the Church and the Orphanages as well. So I got a crash course in binary electronics and security schematics.

The weekend was actually quite good, excellent fellowship, challenging sermons. THen on Monday, Brian's living room cieling collapsed with his family in the room, it crumbled away from the wall, so they were able to get out in time, but it was very close, and quite scary. Praise the Lord, again, that no one was hurt.

So this week I learned how to replace dry wall and ceiling boards, and how to mix and apply plaster. Here they call dry wall "Rhino board" and plaster is "Rhino glide". I guess they think it sounds cool and african.

So, all that to say, sometimes you plan your steps, and sometimes the Lord just puts you on a different path, and it's all to our ultimate benefit and His ultimate Glory. What an amazing God we serve.

home sweet home

2006-03-15T17:38:00.000-08:00

Hey there,

Well, I am dilligent as ever. Recently, there were some birthday parties at the Lambano homes, so I thought I would take the opportunity to take some pictures and some video. Here are some of the pics I took. These kids are hilarious, and wonderful. I want to spend more time with them. They light up when they see you, and don't let go. The Lambano homes provide a sanctuary for these kids, all of whom are HIV positive and abandoned by their family. Some of them were also mistreated and have trouble adjusting. I haven't had to administer a "hiding" (spanking) yet, but I've heard stories about the mischief some of them are up to. All the same, they are full of life, and easy to love.

Thapelo. "Topee" to his friends. He is very polite.

Sia. He's a handful. When his family found out he was HIV positive, they locked him in a cupboard before sending him to Lambano.

Kabelo. He jsut turned 5, and he loves motorcycles.

Junior. He and Kabelo are best friends. Junior is the funniest kid at Lambano

Noma. She apparently got into the icecream at the party.

Keisha. She is also a troublemaker, but here she looks very sweet.
She has the most beautiful little eyes.

Sammy. He can't talk very well, but he loves to be held, he and his brother, Tim, love cars.

These are just some of the kids who God has brought to Lambano. It's a great ministry, and it's a joy in my life to spend time with them.
They all call me a variation of "Uncle Matt", "Uncle Mack" or "Pick me up, Uncle, I want to go up high", sometimes Sammy calls me "Auntie Matt" when he gets confused.
It's especially wonderful because, being the youngest in my family, I did not grow up with little kids around the house.

Anyways, cheers.

In 1 week, I will publish my first monthly update for february and march, so those of you on the mailing list, watch out, and those who aren't, please join by emailing me with either your e-mail contact, or snail mail address.

Here's me and Kabelo. They call him K.B. for short.

February Updates

2006-02-28T17:40:00.000-08:00

February 24, 2006

Well, I've got a brand new list of things to do, and as usual, they involve me surrendering control of my daily life, and depending on others, ultimately on God, and generally learning that I am a big control freak, and God is much, much bigger than my tasks and problems.

It's easy to get so wrapped up in work, and goals, and all that stuff, that you forget who you're doing it for. Then something amazing happens, or you are blessed by the miracle of fellowship, or you take time out to meditate on scripture, and you find yourself saying "Surely the LORD is in this place, and I was not aware of it" (Genesis 28:16). I have been so blessed by those around me since I got here...in some ways my transition to life over here, while extremely far from complete, is going more smoothly than I could have even prayed for it to be, and all thanks to God's loving providence.

Today is the 2nd of three birthday parties at the Lambano homes. I have forgotten my camera twice, but hopefully.I will get Kerry's pics, and take some of my own at Monday's party. It's so easy to love these kids. I wish it were that easy to love everyone, but, such is the unwillingness of my heart, daily being transformed frm stone to flesh. God is faithful to love me, and I pray that I will love those around me.

In other news, a new intern, Ben, a south african seminary student, moved in today. He returned last month from a 2 month mission trip to India. He's a great guy, he really loves the Lord, and I am excited to have a fellow intern again.

I say this everytime, but I'll post more pics soon.

February 14, 2006

Hello,

I was writing a friend of mine, and i realized that what I wrote was a lot of information I hadn't reported yet. So...here it is:

The first task was to learn to drive. I've never driven manual, and I had to learn here on the left side of the road. It was bad at first, but after 2 weeks, I was good, and now after three weeks, I am very confident.

Next I drove around town and learned where all the important stuff is...I live in the suburbs of Germiton...the way it is set up, it's kinda like Seattle and Bellevue, where it's all under the category of Johannesburg, but really Germiston is a big city on its own.

There are two other interns but they are leaving next week...it's sad. They are going to be missionaries to Malawi. This church's first missionaries sent out, so that is exciting. And in March a new intern will be moving in, although he is also a full time seminary student, so he will be doing less than I.

The pastor meets with interns 1nce a week and other than that, I pretty much do everything I can around the church...We have a bible college class that meets on tuesdays, and I set up for that, run sound, powerpoint, open and close the church, work in the office, do admin and tech support, play with the kids at the orphanages, and organize and inventory the garage. Soon, once the rains slow down (it rains like crazy in the summer. The other day it actually hailed) we will start on construction stuff at the worksite.

The worksite is where our church has planted another church. It's right next to a huge squatter camp, and so they minister to those people there. We are in the midst of building an AIDS hospice/treatment center, and a proper church building (the church has about 25 members and meets inside an old shipping container...(the pastor used to also live in a container, but last year they built him a house) They speak zulu there, so I might get to go preach to them through a translator.

So, things are a little slow I guess...It seems like I always have stuff to do, but, I don't have THAT much to do, so, it is good.

Today I am replacing part of the roof on one of the AIDS orphanages. I built the roof, and just now I'm going to put it up.

By "just now" I mean, by the end of the day, as soon as I can get some help. That's a south african expression I learned, and I really like it. "Just Now" could mean next week, or next year. When you say goodbye, you can say "see you just now". Kondi told me that my first day in South Africa.

There are a bunch of shops right down the way from the church, so this week I've been exploring. There's a killer coffee shop that's cheap and delicious. Tuesday breakfasts are gonna be good there.

That's it for now. More pics tomorrow. And happy independence day, everyone.

February 6, 2006

Okay, now more about Jo'burg.

As I mentioned earlier, there have been a ton of illegal immigrants. However, there are not a tone of jobs, or residences. The result is squatter camps. These are mainly black communities made out of scrap metal sheds. There are 5 main camps in Germiston, each holding between 10,000 and 50,000 people. These people are poor, jobless, and often sick, and usually illegal immigrants. It is always more dangerous in terms of crime in the vicinity of these camps. Joblessness is probably the #1 cause of the high crime rate in Jo'burg, second to the nations racially charged past. The other thing that makes it dangerous is the presence of shabeems, or illegal pubs. At night especially, people become intoxicated and rome the streets. Kondi was telling me how some people near the roads will attempt to get hit by a car, and then a small crowd of people will rob the driver when he stops, or perhaps beat him up. Don't misunderstand, it's not like that happens everyday, but, it's a danger to be aware of. Because I'm white, I can't really go into to the camps, and even if you're black, it's not smart to go in unless you know someone that lives there or used to live there. These camps also present a danger because they have illegal electricity hook ups, and should they catch fire, there is no fire engine access and the close proximity of the sheds causes disastrous results. Many children have been burned to death when fire breaks out.

I took some pictures from the road.of what the camps look like, it's hard to get the scope of it all because they stretch across flat land.

Pictures

Also just to clarify, In south africa, common, accepted terms for skin color are as follows:
White
Black
Colored (meaning mixed black/white)
Indian

So, if I talk about "blacks" or "coloreds" that is 100% how everyone does it here.

February 4, 2006

Well, the internet is screwed up here, and I can't seem to access some things, but I wanted to update.

I am pretty much a driver now. It took me a week or so to learn to drive manual on the left side of the road, but, now I am feeling pretty comfortable (The interns here all share a mitsubishi colt bakkie - a bakkie is what south africans call a pick-up truck). I also was able to visit Makro, which is like South Africa's answer to Costco. I think it is actually bigger than costco, but, it might just be taller with less floor space. Great deals, and impossible to navigate.

I know what you're thinking; Matt, what do you actually do besides drive around? Well, I open and close the church for any of the events, which are mostly sunday services, prayer meetings, and bible studies. Tuesday nights, Dr. Wayne Mack is teaching a class on biblical counseling, so that is exciting. I do most set up for these events, prepping the different rooms, and helping with any media, like running sound, powerpoint, video, etc.
I am working at the church office pretty consistently, I've organized the old sermon recordings, various drawers and cabinets, and now, the filing cabinets. I'm also inventorying and sorting the work equipment, so that I will be elite in navigating the garage. the purpose of this is that I will be mainly responsible for the short term teams that are coming starting in june, facilitating their stay and managing their work, etc.. So I need to know everything before then. I also volunteer at the Lambano homes (AIDS Orphanages) 2wice a week. I have only been there to visit a little so far, but that is on my schedule, which will become regular starting next week. Mostly playing with the kids, and watching them so the women there can catch a break in the afternoon. I also do odd jobs, like I have to fix the roof @ Lambano home # 3 ASAP, so, yes. I have learned a lot so far being here, and will write more on culture and my surroundings later.

I'm having problems uploading photos, but soon, i will post more.

February 1, 2006

more pictures to come soon, and more info.

I went to a conference for GMI missionaries and TMS grads this week, and that was awesome. Hearing about all the good ministries going on, and just the laying of the foundations of God's Word in the hearts of the reborn...it's exciting stuff...and there are some amazing men here doing God's work. I am blessed and encouraged by the men and women God has placed here in SA.

Other than that I am still trying to learn about Germiston, and how to drive around it. And Brian (the bossman) keeps coming up with stuff for me to do. It's pretty sweet, actually.

Super 14 rugby tournament is beginning soon, and that should be exciting. I've also been paying attention to the Africa Cup of Nations, now in the quarterfinals. I never watched Soccer, but now I like it.

I will write about what I am learning and post more pictures...tomorrow perhaps.

blessings upon all who read this.

January Updates

2006-01-31T17:45:00.000-08:00

January 26, 2006

Hey everyone.

A few things...

From what I've gathered from my nextdoor neighbors from Malawi, Kwacha and Kondi, South Africa is to Africa what America is to South America (note chiasm). That's kind of a stretch, but, that's why there have been 15,000,000 illegal immigrants in the last 10 years. So, they told me I should visit them after they return to Malawi, so I can see "The real Africa".

I started work on tuesday, so far it is mostly office stuff, organizing and cleaning out the church office. I'm also writing up the yearly bulletin, and it's due in about 3 weeks. Which is a challenge, since I am unfamiliar with most of the church members and ministries. But what an opportunity to get to know the staff and the church body.

I've also been learning to drive a manual transmission on the wrong side of the road...it's not smooth, but getitng there. I have been assigned a series of maps to memorize, and learn my way around Germiston. Another lesson in patience.

I've added some pictures, you can see where I live. I will have more up soon. Internet is a little less accessible than I had thought. But not much.

Pictures

I'll put up some more info later, but for now, things are going well, and I am really rejoicing in being here.

January 22, 2006

well, I made it. I'm in africa. right now.

My room is awesome, the people I've met are really cool, and the kids in the aids orphanages are to die for. I also saw the work site. Lots of work to be done.

I still haven't seen kerry drew, but I went to where she works, and I will catch her eventually.

That is all for now. Call me Aladdin, cause I'm in a whole new world.

January 20, 2006

remarkably, and entirely because of God, I think everything is in place for my trip tomorrow. I am sending out the rest of the newsletters in the morning, I still need to buy ducttape and Mach3 razors, and I'm having lunch with three old friends that are still in town, but, otherwise, that's it, I'm on the road starting tomorrow night.

Man, can I just say God is in control. I had a level 10 reason to worry this afternoon when I lost my ATM card, but, it turned up just fine, everything is cool. God has taken care of everything, and given me so much grace and help with the things I am responsible for.

I hope that all is well, and please be praying for me as I travel. Thank you to all who are supporting me, not just financially, but in so many other ways. You rock. It's going to be a crazy year.

January 18, 2006

My tickets came in the mail today, but, I wasn't home to sign for them, so now I need to get them tomorrow. Hooray.

Tomorrow the letters should be going out. And, the last youth group of my time here. We're watching "Invisible Children" so, I'm sure it will rock their world. Such a strange situation in Uganda...maybe I'll go there someday.

Check me out:

January 17, 2006

Well, Sunday was awesome, they had me in the church bulletin, which is pretty cool, so like 1400 people had a chance to read about my trip. Several people came up to me and told me about their experiences in South Africa, and prayed with me, it was great.

Then, I went to lunch with many of the high schoolers, and just spent time hanging out with them. We saw Glory Road and sat around and ate in the food court, and went to book stores and looked at cool books, and played free games in Uncle's Games. Good times.

Then I went to my friend Dan's birthday party, and we had a great time, and I saw many people for probably the last time before I leave, so, it was a little emotional. I won Seafarers of Catan for the first time. It was a sweet night, and my friends and I prayed together for a while before I left for the night.

Today I got confirmation that my plane tix are on the way to my house, and so is the hardware I am taking over for the church in SA, so that is all good. I am getting excited.

January 15, 2006

Today was pretty subtle.

Update: Lord Willing, I will be departing on Friday, January 20th, on South African Airlines, and I think that is pretty remarkable, coonsidering that 48 hours ago I had no idea when i would get to South Africa. Just gotta keep my perspective centered around Christ.

I mailed off the payment and registration for my airline ticket, had lunch with a high schooler, which was cool, there are some sweet kids in our youth group. And a few of them realize the difficulties of growing up in the church, so it's encouraging. Then I watched football with my dad for a while. Go Seahawks. Superbowl or bust, baby.

Now, an evening of solitude before a busy final Sunday in the States.

(btw, my favorite way to refer to my home is "the states" which is strange unless you're traveling.)

January 14, 2006

Okay, so today was pretty crazy, but, I ran errands in the morning, came home for lunch, got my visa in the mail, called to arrange a plane ticket, cause I had to cancel the last one, cause, of various things. and tomorrow I will send off the final package to pay for my ticket, and then when it gets here, I will probably feel a modicum of confidence, and be reminded yet again that the Lord has the whole thing situated.

God is so good, like, so much last minute stuff and I thought I was gonna get really stressed, but, it seems, at least for now, that things are okay, and I will get to Africa on His time...

It always hurts to realize what a control freak I can be, but, any patience I had in the last 3 months was a gift from God, for sure. and I think I learned a lot about international stuff...no matter how much you think you learn, every trip is an adventure. And there are still difficulties I will have to address when I get to Africa, but, God is surpassingly faithful, and He has reminded me at every step on this journey to put my trust in him, and not the world.

January 12, 2006

the only news is that my visa was delayed, and my departure for Africa may be as well...God is definitely in charge of timing for all things.

January 2, 2006

Winter Retreat for the High Schoolers was this past weekend, great fun in the snow, and it's the same place and time that I got saved 7 years ago, so that makes it extra special.

God is good, and I think he was working in all the students lives this weekend. It was definitely awesome to be a part of it.

On a somewhat related topic, here are some jokes I learned at camp.

-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

-A blind man was walking down the street and accidentally stepped on Chuck Norris' foot, and Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!". At the mention of his name, the man's vision was completely restored. However, the first, last and only thing the man ever saw was the bottom of Chuck Norris' foot.

-When Chuck Norris jumps into water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chucked.

-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

-Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight, not because he is afraid of the dark, but rather, darkness is afraid of Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

-A Duck walks into a grocery store and asks for some chapstick. The clerk asks "Will you you pay with cash or credit?" and the Duck says "Just put it on my bill."

That is all.

T-givin'!

2005-11-25T18:05:00.000-08:00

Boy, I tell yah, there is nothin' quite like hunting your own Thanksgiving Turkey. Head out with a rifle, and track that sucker down. When you find his trail, you slow down. Patience is the key to hunting. After a little while, you get him in your sights, you undo the lenscap on your scope, and pull back the lock on the rifle. "I see you, turkey lurkey...BAM!", nothing sweeter than that direct hit kill, the confused look on supermarket patrons, not to mention the deli guy, boy is he freaked out. What a wonderful holiday.

Happy thanksgiving, y'all.

I'm callin' it now,

2005-11-21T18:06:00.000-08:00

Bears vs. Bengals for the superbowl, and, I'm takin the Bears.

Famous 23s

2005-11-07T18:09:00.000-08:00

Michael Jordan of the Chicago Bulls
David Beckham of Real Madrid
Don Mattingley of the New York Yankees
Richard Nixon of Whittier College Football

Each parent contributes 23 chromosomes to their child,
The 23rd chromosome determines the Gender.
Julius Caeser was stabbed 23 times
The human arm has 23 joints
The last letter of my first name is the 23rd letter of the alphabet

I was born November 7th, 1982
The top grossing movie that week was First Blood
That fall Cheers had it's debut
The Compact Disc was born in 1982

Also in 1982, the World's Fair in Knoxville, Tennessee, where Tenneseein is Tenne-believin'. with the highlight, the Sunsphere. Here is an Informational video.

And now, this...

10 Years Ago: I was 13, in the 7^th grade, by far the worst year of my life. I had about 2 friends, but filled up my time with Baseball, and at this time of year, Football, which was bad because it was an outlet for all the hatred and rage I was experiencing at the time. It was the same year I discovered music and MTV, and soon became a huge fan of Metallica and Green Day, among others.

5 Years Ago: I was a senior in High School, and newly baptized. I had been a Christian for almost 2 years, and had learned a ton, even going on my first mission trip to a camp up in Canada. I was also with my second girlfriend ever, and making lots of foolish choices.

One Year Ago: My senior year at Master’s was in full swing, I had awesome roommates, the best out of the 4 years (The last two years were all in the “best” category though), taking 23 units (12 of which were required), and planning a missions trip to Kazakhstan for the coming summer.

5 Snacks: Hot Pockets, Yoplait Yogurt, Trail Mix Bars, Double-Stuf Oreos, Cheez-its.

5 Things I would do with $100 million: Give a million dollars to each of my friends, and all join a “Millionaires Club”. Send some people to college/seminary, and support missionaries. And invest, so I could make a free college like Moody.

5 Places I would run away to: Israel, Peru, San Juan Islands, Montana, and Patagonia.

5 Things I will never wear: Women’s Clothing, Makeup, Neoprene, A Cape, Glasses.

5 Favorite TV shows: The Simpsons, Cheers, Seinfeld, MacGuyver, The A-Team.

5 Toys: Nintendo, Transformers, Ninja Turtles, Legos, Tinker Toys

5 songs I know all the words to: Shabbat Shalom, I Believe in a Thing Called Love, Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken, Come Out Swinging, Foolish Games

2005-10-29T18:14:00.000-07:00

Psalm 118:5
In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free.

It's been 7 years since I started going to church.

2005-10-24T18:21:00.000-07:00

The Conference I attended at church was interesting. It was put on in part by Christian Radio Station and Focus on the Family, but the group doing actual speaking and material were former Grace Community folks from back in the day. My church is headed up by pastors who were coming up at Grace in the 70's and so that's the connection as hosts of this conference. The Title is the "Love and Respect" Conference, and it mainly focuses on marriage. www.loveandrespect.org

'Matt, what were you doing at a conference like that? are you out of your mind?'
No, no, no. I figured I would learn something about...something. Even if, afterward, I would just come home and file the information under J for 'just in case'.

It was fascinating. The first day was a little rocky, had me raising my eyebrow of extrabiblicality, but, things were really straightforward the second day, and they tied all the info together in a Gospel presentation, as it were, many unbelievers were attending the conference. The Prmary verse is Ephesians 5:33, and it was actually a pretty solid exposition. As for the more applicational parts, those I cannot vouch for. And that's kind of a thing is I'm going to this conference and I have no point of reference for the validity of what's being said, since I have zero experience. I haven't even succesfully dated anyone since I was in high school. And not for lack of trying, I assure you.

But here's where I'm at right now.

On Singleness or Why I Like The Things I Like

I do not understand marriage. I just don't get it. Ever since my sophomore year in college, I have been getting more and more enthused about singleness. I remember this trend took me by surprise. In our chapels that year, we must have had atleast 4 or 5 speakers come in and talk about dating, or marriage, or relationships. In the church, all that stuff points to marriage, so that's what the speakers talked about most. And as I sat there listening to all these wonderful and fascinating things these speakers had to say about marriage, My only thought was "Gosh, that sounds just loverly, but, he's probably talking about someone else." To quote Avril Lavigne, "Sometimes I get so weird, I even freak myself out." That was not what I was expecting at all. I'm straight, I like girls, I want to get married. Well, all except for that last one.

Don't get me wrong, friends. I don't believe in some mythical gift of singleness, nor do I believe I am some sort of eunuch. I just really like my singleness. 1 Corinthians 7 is often misused to defend my position. At first glance, Paul tells us, among other things, that Single people can focus on the things of the Lord better, that if you are married, you will have trouble, and that one ought only to get married out of concession. But in the context, none of these can be stretched out to form complete doctrines. It is obvious that Paul, Jesus, and God the Father are huge fans of marriage. Especially considering the triune God invented the idea of intimacy. It's the order of creation. "Man is not meant to be alone." Atleast Adam wasn't.

I do believe that everyone must make the most of being single. We are all in that state to begin with, so their must be a point to it. singleness, like marriage, is good. It is a gift from God, bestowed on every human being, and we spend most of our singleness bitching and moaning about being lonely, or frustrated, or whatever. I think it's only healthy to come to grips with your singleness before you abandon it, and really embrace the opportunity you have before you get married.

I also want to acknowledge, that although I would say I don't want to get married. It's not the idea of 'being married' that doesn't appeal to me, but more the aspect of 'not being single'. The Bible says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing, and I believe on that, and have seen many of my friends blessed in that way. In Blue Like Jazz, Don Miller records a conversation he has with a married friend in which the man states that "Marriage is worth the trade. You lose all your freedom, but you get this friend. This incredible friend." While I appreciate the sentimentality of that statement, I must say, to me that sounds like a bad deal. I like freedom. I'm planning on going to South Africa next year. Then, I'll come back to the states, probably live backpacking for a while, and then I want to join the peace corps for 4 years, and go off to central asia somewhere. That's my vision. And I think, well why does marriage sound like a bad deal to me?

I think part of it is my mythology and metaphor. Superman is the archetype superhero. He's the man of steel, he's got every superpower, and he spends his freetime at the fortress of solitude. In Superman II, if Superman gets married, he can't be superman anymore. This goes for all the great men of fiction and myth (Conan, Batman, Indiana Jones, James Bond, etc.) My mythological landscape tells me that single people save the world, destroy great evil, and are heroes, while married people make babies. I don't believe that to the extreme, in light of God's Word, but, that's just one observation. The freedom we have in singleness is remarkable.

This brings me to a sidenote, somewhat related, and I ask myself why I like anything, at all. Why does a piece of art stand out to me. Why do I like a movie, or a book, a story that transpires, when if you strip away the glitz and the glamour, They are all the same story. It's Character. Particularly in a story, the character is often the thing I like, because it reminds me of me. Take, for example, my favorite movie of all time, Zero Effect. I feel like in a metaphorical sense, I AM Darryl Zero. I feel like when Jake Kasdan was writing the script he had torn out pages of my journal, and even talked to me so he knew how I talked and thought, and put little things in there that I resonate with. Same for my favorite books. I AM Holden Caulfield (Catcher in the Rye), and I AM Mersault (The Stranger). I feel like I have a kinship to all their qualities, good and bad. And I hate Holden Caulfield, because he is just like me when I sin. I hate Mersault, because he is a sociopath, except when it comes to hating God. I also feel deep sorrow, because that describes me.

I have also heard a great deal of stories about marriage. From my close personal friends, to those cheesy stories you read in Christian dating books, to any serious work of fiction, I have heard the marriage story. And I am NEVER that guy, metaphorically, who is the husband. I never see parallel between me, and a man who is a husband. That's not 'me'. I am controversial, and harsh, I have an edge, and I am very neglectful of others, because, I am still learning how to love. God is definitely working on me in all these areas, and I have come a long way in the past 7 years, but I wouldn't make a good husband. When people asked me why I didn't try to date more at Master's, I would tell them that "If I actually had a girlfriend, she would probably get pretty ticked with me, because I would neglect her, so it's better off this way."

When you strip away a lot of the buzzwords, and cliches, marriage is just two sinners living together. And all the areas that seem most vital to a marriage, according to Married folks, and this conference I went to, are areas I am weakest in. This doesn't depress me at all. I am not bitter at all. And I don't feel lonely. Another thing that doesn't appeal to me about marriage is the whole aspect of "settling down". I don't believe in that. I'm going to avoid doing that for as long as I can. I will settle down only long enough to earn enough money for my next ticket out of America.

A Marriage reflects Christ and the church. Do I then, in my state of relational contentment, deny the image of Christ by not participating in this reflection? Like I said, I'm not against marriage. I believe it is the best thing. So is being single. I am still being sanctified every day, and growing in major steps in relationships. If I like a girl, I will ask her out, and I am not opposed to marriage. But, conveniently, everything God's doing in my life is affirming where I am going in my current state I think that one of the reasons God gave us the church is because we are not meant to be alone.

I know it's not terribly organized, and it probably sounds...crazy, or something, but, these are thoughts that have been swimming around in my head. Let me know what you think, if you have the time to read.

Hank: "Stone walls do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage"
Remi: "Nah, now'days they use concrete, and titanium."

2005-09-18T18:25:00.000-07:00

5 Fictional Characters I Would Date:
• Nancy Drew
• Belle
• Wonder Woman
• Susan Pevensie
• Helen of Troy

2005-09-14T18:26:00.000-07:00

I am going to South Africa!

Lord Willing, of course, but, my church just approved me for half the money, and that and the money from working these last three months leaves me $2,000 short of the full amount, and I have 4 months to get it, and then I won't even need it till next september, so, yeah, God is affirming what I am pursuing this far atleast, plans can change, but, now I can start looking at plane tickets...I'm so pumped...

If you'd like to contribute to the cause/or get on the mailing list/get more info, e-mail me at mattyobrien1@gmail.com and I'll hit you back.

Kazakhstan blog

2005-07-08T18:29:00.000-07:00

Well, it's raining, and you can't paint in the rain. So I get the day off and I get to go to morning Bible Study...good stuff...here's the "write up" on Kazakhstan and some pics, of course there's a lot more I could say...the more I reflect the more I learn from it...but the trip was good, that's 1 sentence summary...

We departed from Los Angeles at 7AM on Sunday, May 22^nd. Our itinerary had us flying through New York, Vienna and arriving in Moscow for a stay of about 5 days. This was on account of a last minute itinerary alteration which left us with a 5 day gap between our departure from the United States and the start of our Visa in Kazakhstan. We had also acquired a Russian Visa for the dates in between. We saw many of the sites in Moscow, and were able to help Slavic Gospel Association bookkeepers by cataloguing some of the 14,000 unrecorded books; part of a seminary library. Soon we bid farewell to the many different workers in the General Baptist Union Headquarters (where we were staying), and our next stop was Kazakhstan.

Typical Karaganda Ghetto

We arrived at 3AM in Karaganda, Kazakhstan, our new home for 4 weeks. We were met in a sleepy daze by the guys from pioneers, and Esset, an Uzbek worker now living in Kazakhstan. We were soon briefed and orientated and introduced to our hosts. We were all being sent to live with a different host home. Each home, with one exception was Kazakh, Unbelieving, and equipped with at least one English speaker. Throughout the month, we took advantage of this unique situation by laboring to build a relationship with our host family in an endeavor to share the Gospel with them.

Us and the cops, getting registered

This opportunity with our host family made up about 50% of our purpose in Kazakhstan. The rest was in teaching an English club (at a cultural center which is assisted by the missionaries) in hopes of meeting and forming relationships with local university students interested in communicating in English. We also spent time working with national believers; we organized and taught to them a 3 week children’s program, (much like a Vacation Bible School program), helping the workers who were inexperienced and developing their skills for future programs. We tried to spend as much of our free time as we could with our host families and with the people we met in English club.

Trying to scare a little girl

Please continue to pray for Kazakhstan and the workers that are there, though technically and Democratic free republic, and claiming religious freedom, there is a great deal of red tape and corruption, and many laws govern the activities of those involved in the church. The workers who helped us were harassed on more than one occasion by the police and have recently learned that many of the activities and meetings they were holding are technically illegal. They have been threatened with being expelled from the country previously. Pray for shrewdness and justice so that the missionaries will be allowed to remain in Kazakhstan.

Playing Baseball against the Karaganda State Club team

The people of Kazakhstan are very hard hearted. The Kazakh people have a very proud heritage, but are followers of Islam in name only. They view religion and worship as expressions of culture, understanding evangelism to be an oppression of their culture and thus are very unwilling to listen to the Gospel. The key to the society is relationships, and we have built strong ties to our host families. Pray that we will be able to correspond and maintain ties with those we have befriended.

Exlporing Karkaralinsk...Nature!

In addition to the work we did, everyone on the team experienced blessings in personal growth and various lessons God taught us while we were there. Several members of the team hope one day to return to Kazakhstan and do similar work in hopes of building Gospel-oriented relationships. In all of our time, God was surpassingly faithful, and His Glory is beginning to spread throughout Kazakhstan.

English Club