Vision Problems

I'm not talking about my eyes.

In basic leadership class, they tel you that every leader is a visionary, and if he's not, he's no leader at all. Now the fun part of the metaphor contained in that sort of language is that every leader is a visionary, but no leader as 20/20 vision. There are a variety of vision problems a leader can develop, and this is partly addressed in The Externaly-Focused Church. Here they give a few examples, and I am clearly guilty as I have been engaged in various tasks of leadership.

I am essentially nearsighted and wall-eyed. Meaning, It's difficult for me to really cast long-term vision, or see things in the future as being differently than they are now. This is definitely true as I consider myself, It's very difficult to envision myself changing or growing or becoming better. Which naturally leads itself to helplessness and hopelessness if unattended to.

I also tend to be concerned with what's going on all around me. What a friend of mine calls FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and so to take a straight path toward a goal is much more difficult when, if I am honest, I have as my only real goal to do everything I want to do. Even the things which are mutually exclusive. This is the most painful when I have meditative and introspective periods, because I literally don't know which desires to follow.

One example of this is the desire for adventure. Now, one of the lessons that God taught me in the time I spent seeking out the peace corp only to withdraw 3 months before my scheduled departure, was that God has stories and adventures for us, but there is a difference between an adventurous heart and a reckless foolishness. Wisdom and Adventure are not antithetical. And yet, I feel like if I knew certain details of my life, like whether or not I'll get married, I would live my life differently depending on the verdict. I would take stupid risks if I didn't want my story to have a family in it.

How do I resolve these desires for family and adventure? I want to believe that their incompatibility is a cultural fabrication, but, it's hard. It's just hard, expecially when I feel like I could just end up frozen and not fulfill either one.

As one chaplain asked me when I commented on not being married, "What are you doing about it?" I think that's the point. If you want something, and it fits with godliness, go for it. But let God be the guide, and always hold up your heart for changing.